From Point A
by Fresh C
Summary: They say it's the journey that matters, not the destination. But where do we go from here?  It's a Road Trip Story: Eva Style
1. Chapter 1

"_Sakura... stop. You're not thinking straight."_

It was around 9:30 pm in Tokyo-3 when Misato answered the phone, which meant it was roughly 2:30 pm in Berlin. Almost as soon as the device was placed to her ear, Misato was motioning for Asuka to grab it.

The woman on TV said, "_No Takashi. I'm thinking clearly for the first time in my life."_

Asuka used a hand to put the receiver to her mouth and gave a greeting in German. She used her other hand to turn down the volume on the television.

"Should I stop?" asked Shinji as his hands rested on her shoulders. The girl shook her head and leaned forward. Shinji continued kneading the flesh around her neck. Given her well-crafted posture, there was no reason she should be so stiff all the time.

"_You've done so much for me… I just want to return the favor."_

Shinji watched as she rolled her shoulders along with his administrations, tilting her head this way and that as a means of suggesting where to go next. All the while she spoke German in low tones. Her answers were short and to the point (he assumed). Her head was tilted in a manner that made him believe she was still paying close attention to the TV.

"_I did those things because I love you. I never wanted anything in return."_

It amazed him the way Asuka could do that. Her attention was divided equally and fully among the three sensations presented her. She was clearly enjoying the massage, while paying rapt attention to the television, and simultaneously having what he could only assume to be an important conversation. He thought her multi-tasking skills to be nothing short of brilliant and, in a way, unnerving.

"_But I am a selfish woman, Takashi. You've given me so much, but I want more."_

She scared him when she was like this… when her mind took on several different tracks at once. It was as if he didn't know who he was dealing with anymore. Was she the Asuka who was wiggling her upper body appreciatively beneath his shy and unskilled fingers? Was she a serious young woman tackling a grave unknown problem head on? Or was she just watching a romance movie on the TV, the way Misato was watching from the chair across the room?

"_Sakura…"_

"_I want all of you…"_

Shinji's eyelids closed briefly and his hands ceased to move. He shifted slightly on the couch cushion and tried not to appear as uncomfortable as he was. The hatred he felt toward watching sex scenes with women was a fact he was loath to admit, much less advertise. Though no one else present seemed to mind, he secretly wished that more directors would take the artistic route and fade to black.

"Don't stop," said Asuka as she turned off the phone with the press of a button. Shinji's discomfort did not fade, but his hands instantly sprang to life. He nearly had to bite his tongue to keep from apologizing.

"Wha-chi" said Misato, performing the wrist motion of a whip. Asuka stuck out her tongue at the woman as Shinji blushed.

When Shinji had first began doing 'small favors' for his roommate such as these, Misato had teased him just as much as he'd feared she would. The ridicule escalated from the usual embarrassing comments about them actually being in a relationship, to purposefully lewd and outlandish comments about the nature of said relationship, finally ending with half-humorous/half-serious criticisms of their mannerisms.

Asuka openly stated that the other woman was jealous; an accusation Misato did nothing to support or deny. Shinji once thought it was all just in good fun, but now he wasn't so sure. He didn't buy into Asuka's theory at all, but he had no idea why she persisted with her not-quite-kidding line of critique.

"Hmmm…" said Asuka a fraction of a second before the woman on the TV let out a quiet moan. He pressed his fingers into the flesh beneath her t-shirt, happy to see her shoulders roll in gratitude. Still, he wondered how they could get away with showing so much skin on cable TV.

"Who was that?" he asked, feigning nonchalance.

She leaned forward and stretched out her neck. His fingers had their next target.

"My step-mother."

"Oh," said Shinji. He wasn't terribly surprised by this answer. She was seemingly the only person from Asuka's homeland who communicated with her on a semi-regular basis. He wanted to make a comment about how nice it was for her to call, but knew Asuka wouldn't have shared the sentiment.

A hesitant glance toward Misato revealed that the woman was oddly engrossed in the movie… it occurred to him she might be faking.

"How is she?" he asked, fingers digging softly into the back of her neck.

"… _it's everything I've ever dreamed!"_

Asuka said, "She's fine… considering."

"Oh?" asked Shinji.

Asuka's eyes bored straight into the television screen. Her neck shifted ever so slightly with each of his fingers' probing touches. Her voice was neutral and clear.

"My father's dead."

**From Point A**

**A Fan Fiction by Fresh C**

The moment Asuka had decided to tell Shinji the truth the evening had been ruined. She knew this would happen long before the words had left her mouth, but was unable to stay her hand. He stopped his massage as she was almost certain he would. It was unfortunate that she didn't have the heart to tell him to continue. After assuring him that she was most certainly okay, and that it was nothing to really worry about, she retreated to her room. She silently mourned the loss of her relaxing evening and not being able to see the end of the movie.

Her hands moved on autopilot as she flipped open her laptop and turned it on. Taking a seat at the desk she made Misato buy her, she rested her chin in her hand and waited for windows to load and for Shinji to check up on her. She wasn't sure which would happen faster.

***do do do dooo***

Windows won round one. Several clicks later and a web browser popped up. With dancing fingers Asuka typed the words "flight from Tokyo-2 to Berlin". The enter key was hit and Shinji knocked on the door.

"Come in."

She heard him open the door slowly, but didn't bother to look his way. She could easily imagine the uncertainty on his face, but didn't exactly feel like seeing it at the moment. Instead she continued to look up prices.

She noted that the flight would last about 11 hours as she said, "I really am okay, you know."

"You don't have to be…"

Shinji could be very annoying when he wanted to be.

"We were never exactly close." Her and her father of course. "I'm a little surprised, but nothing more. I'll be glad when all this is over with."

She heard him shift against the doorpost.

"When are you leaving?" he asked.

"As soon as reasonably possible… looks like Thursday."

Shinji walked into the room and took a seat on the side of her bed. Though Asuka still hadn't spared the boy a glance, she figured he was probably looking at her. Sometimes she liked to play a little game and imagine what other people saw when they looked her way. She wondered if he took interest in the dancing ring on her typing finger.

"You're flying coach?" asked Shinji uncertainly. "You never fly coach."

Asuka shrugged. "It's a matter of economizing. Father is the source of my allowance. He had a nice insurance plan, but the man was definitely worth more alive than he is dead. So the situation's changed. I want to have enough left over to put me through college again. The savings start now."

"I hadn't thought of that…"

The lowest priced flight was somewhere around 350 credits. It only stopped briefly in France for refueling. She'd have to wait less than an hour for it to take off again. It'd be boring waiting in the airport like that, but then again it was bound to be a long boring flight anyways. She clicked a bright green button that said "Buy now" and waited for the appropriate screen to appear. The bright white load screen held Shinji's face in its reflection. As she feared, he looked faintly puzzled. Nothing seemed too confusing about the situation to her, but she figured that's just how Shinji was. Always looking for meaning in the insignificant.

"350 per ticket is still a lot."

"I only need one of them."

"Yeah..." said Shinji. "I guess that's true."

Asuka imagined him briefly staring at his shoes.

"Are you going to be gone long?" he asked. He had a habit of saying things with a tone of uncertainty. As if every question asked was one he shouldn't have. As annoying as that was, she'd learned to ignore it for his sake.

"About a week or so," she said typing in her credit card information. "No longer than necessary, that's for sure."

A prompt appeared on the computer asking her if this was the correct information. Without looking she clicked "Ok" and waited for the confirmation email.

"Why?" she asked flatly. "Are you going to miss me, Third?"

As the screen whited out on the refresh, she saw his hesitance and embarrassment. Priceless. And though a part of her missed the days when he would flounder in denial, she felt a sort of transcendence when he quietly stated, "Yes."

"Softy."

Shinji let out a little humorous noise.

The confirmation email was received. The flight was booked. All was set. Asuka hit the power button and closed the laptop screen. With a gentle plop, she took a seat next to Shinji on the bed and examined his face.

"You've been staring at me this whole time," she said.

"Sorry." And he finally looked away.

"I really am okay," she repeated.

Shinji kept his gaze adverted and nodded.

"You can leave now." There wasn't enough force behind it to be a command.

Shinji made no response.

Breaching the inches of distance between them, Asuka reached out and grabbed his hand. Before he could say a word in response, she squeezed.

* * *

The market for young male weathermen was relatively small. Research showed that audiences put more trust in older males, and were certainly more interested in younger females. The former being valued for their assumed experience and the latter being valued for their... other appealing assets. That's why it was a bit of a surprise that Channel 6 News would choose Chen Satoshi to be the face of their "renowned" weather team.

The fact that the man landed the job at all was evidence to his charming nature. When people watched Chen Satoshi they felt as if they were _with_ Chen Satoshi. The words he said exceeded mere audio reproduction and entered the realm of casual conversation. It was like he was talking to you personally, explaining some small, yet significant tidbit of the day. Always with warmth and always with a smile.

And though charm was a major factor in the man's appeal, his looks didn't hurt him. Asuka certainly found him attractive. Kind of like a stubble less Kaji, if you squinted a little. Or maybe a charismatic Shinji, if you were willing to squint a bit harder. However, Asuka's rapt attention to the man's presentation had nothing to do with physical appeal.

"Hello and happy Tuesday to everyone out there," said Chen. The camera was firmly focused on his face as a graphic displaying the day's temperature appeared at the bottom of the screen. "We've had some beautiful weather this week and I for one will be sad to see it go. Today we saw a high of 68 degrees with a windshield factor of -1. You should expect the temperature to stay in the high sixties well into the next morning."

The new graphic that appeared showed a weekday forecast.

"But I'm afraid that's all the good news I have for you. Tomorrow should be similar with temperatures ranging from 55 degrees to 67. Expect high cloud density and a light chance of rain. It should stay cloudy straight through Wednesday with light showers scattered throughout."

Chen's expression then grew grave.

"But on Thursday be prepared for the waterworks. We can expect a lot of residual precipitation from the category 2 storm that should be passing right through the Sea of Japan. The storm is currently not in a trajectory to hit land, but it is possible that the west coast will see heavy downpours and light flooding. This only mildly affects the Tokyo region, but it'll be a good idea to take those raincoats and umbrellas out of the closet."

After that Asuka pretty much stopped paying attention. The word hurricane continued to flow through her mind. She went to her room and looked up her flight information on her laptop.

_Screw You Chen Satoshi_.

* * *

Misato held the warm cup loosely in her hand as she raised it to her lips. Her legs were crossed casually under the table and there was an opened newspaper in front of her. Shinji observed through sideline glances that she seemed calm to the point of uncaring. Ironically, this was the usual expression she used when contemplating tough decisions. Asuka was sitting across from Misato on the other side of the table. She was the only one there not enjoying a cup of tea, as she never cared for the stuff very much. She was also growing increasingly annoyed as Misato seemed to be ignoring the fact that she'd spoken to her at all.

"Well?"

Studying her charge through lidded eyes, Misato took another small sip of tea before saying, "No."

"Why the hell not?"

Shinji frowned and Misato sighed.

"Lots of reasons," she said. Her voice held an instructive quality to it. "For one it's dangerous."

"I already told you. It's the safest bridge in all of Japan. Only 5 years old with no recorded major maintenance problems."

Misato took a deep breath. "You'd be driving in a hurricane."

"It's only a category 2 storm."

"Which is a hurricane."

"Hardly. Street signs can survive category 2s. The thing couldn't even move a trailer."

"A car is not a trailer."

"I know a car is not a trailer!" said Asuka. She opened her mouth as if to say something else before abruptly stopping. Then in a calmer voice she said, "It's a tunnel bridge built above and beyond seismic standards. I did my research, Misato. They say that it's safer on that bridge in a storm than it would be in almost any other shelter throughout the whole of Japan."

"So what you mean to tell me," said Misato skeptically, "is that you'd be safer on a bridge in a hurricane than you would be here where there is no hurricane?"

"And you're telling me that you'll let me ride in a building sized robot, but you won't let me drive across a bridge?"

"If by driving across the bridge you'd save the world, then sure. As things stand... I'm not hearing any good reasons to take the risk."

"My father is dead," said Asuka. Misato visibly softened.

"I know Asuka," she said almost sadly. "But you have to see this from my perspective. Even if I thought the bridge was safe, it still wouldn't be a good idea. What type of guardian would I be if I let a teenage girl drive to Berlin by herself? You must realize how irresponsible that sounds."

Shinji thought that those words meant a lot, considering the source.

"I'm only driving to Beijing. I've already booked a connecting flight from there."

"Oh, that's a much better distance for a girl to drive alone."

"Then...well...then I'll take Shinji with me!"

Eyebrows were raised. The boy in question had a look on his face that said, "me?" But when he thought about it for a moment, he supposed it wasn't that surprising.

"That's even worse," said Misato abandoning all pretense of enjoying a quiet cup of tea. She crossed her arms across herself and leaned slightly forward in her chair.

Again Asuka's lips moved to form a rebuttal but she was cut off before the words left her mouth.

"Why's that?" asked Shinji. When Misato didn't immediately respond he asked, "Why would it be worse if I came?"

Misato's brow wrinkled as she looked into Shinji's questioning gaze.

"You're a new driver. You just got your license 3 months ago. You're even less qualified to take a long distance trip than she is."

"But it's all highway driving," said Asuka. "Straight roads the whole trip."

"That doesn't make up for his lack of experience. Long trips can be taxing on a new driver."

Shinji frowned again. Sure this explanation made some sense, but it just felt like...

"Bull," said Asuka. "If you don't trust us just say so. But don't insult me with these lame excuses."

Misato closed her eyes for several moments before throwing her hands in the air.

"Fine," she said and Shinji felt himself growing small. "You can go if you want. You're 17 after all and old enough to make your own decisions. I'm not going to force my opinion on you if you don't want it."

She was using the voice that's sole purpose in existence was to make them feel incredibly, irrationally awful. Even Asuka took no solace in this soured victory - like in winning she had somehow wounded their guardian. She hated how Misato so easily played the victim. Hated how she was forced to pretend that it didn't bother her at all.

"I'm glad you're seeing reason. It's not like I'd plan out a trip if it was dangerous."

"Oh, I'm sure," said Misato dismissively. She was back at her tea again, trying not to care.

"It's not even that long of drive."

"I bet."

"Just two days really."

"I've heard of worse."

"There's lots of restaurants and gas stations on the bridge. And we'll be sure to stop and rest if we get tired"

"I know you will."

Shinji felt awful watching Asuka try to sell an idea that had already been bought. She was like a used car salesman who didn't stop after you signed the contract. He thought it was rather cruel of Misato to feign interest.

"We aren't going to do anything stupid."

"Of course not," said Misato flipping through the newspaper. "I trust you kids. Only... "

"Hmm?"

"How are you going to get there?" she asked.

Asuka scoffed. "We're going to drive."

"In what car?"

"What do you mean, 'in what car'?"

Misato laughed in a high and airy pitch. "Surely you didn't think I'd let you use my car."

Color drained from Asuka's face.

In a more serious tone Misato said, "Life doesn't stop just because you want to take a trip, you know. I still have to get back and forth from work, sometimes at a moment's notice."

"Take the bus," said Asuka.

"Buses don't run at a moment's notice."

"Like you really need to be there, _commander_. Your job is useless. There's nothing to command. NERV might as well not exist."

Misato seemed unfazed. "Insulting my profession will get you nowhere. I suggest you try a rental car."

Asuka was through with this. She rose from her seat and slammed a fist on the table.

"If you were going to say no, then why didn't you just say it in the first place!"

The girl was already gone by the time Misato said, "I did."

Shinji closed his eyes and counted in his head. He reached six before he heard Asuka's door close with a slam. He then opened his eyes and exhaled. Misato was watching him carefully, it seemed. He took a hesitant sip of his tea. Seconds later his guardian did the same.

From the corner of his eyes, Shinji watched her lips purse around the cup. He didn't think about her lips often, but it was hard not to when they presented themselves like that. The kiss in the geofront was something neither of them openly acknowledged. It was hard for Shinji to ignore at first, but became increasingly easier after he'd had similar experiences that didn't involve blood loss or asphyxiation. The Misato he saw now was mostly un-erotic, though far from asexual. He could look at her and find her attractive without any real romantic implications. He liked it that way.

"You know," said Misato, smiling at him lightly, "if you keep looking at me like that, I might start blushing."

He thought his brief glance had been innocent enough, but suddenly he felt like his hand was in the cookie jar.

"Don't worry," she said. "I won't tell your woman about us. Affairs are more fun that way."

Shinji felt the awkwardness leave. The mention of Asuka was good for them. It served as a significant buffer between the fantasies her words stirred up in his head and reality. He wondered (not for the first time) where the two of them would be if it weren't for Asuka's presence. He probably wouldn't be able to look Misato in the eye. He definitely wouldn't be chuckling at her joke.

But in moments the laughter died. The silence that followed was more reflective of the previous conversation than their usual post-school/work relaxation. It was kind of sad because both of them enjoyed this time of the day. It was the only time they regularly spent together and now it was tarnished. Shinji began to wiggle in his seat like he always did when he wanted to be somewhere else.

"You understand, right Shinji?" She was referring to the conversation with Asuka. "It's just not a good idea."

"I guess..."

"You two on the road by yourselves just isn't safe. A lot of things can happen on the road."

"That's true."

"And the timetable she has is ridiculous. It'd be different if you were stopping at a hotel, but she has you driving straight through."

Shinji nodded slightly. He wondered why Misato hadn't mentioned this directly in the conversation. Apparently Asuka wasn't the only bad salesman in the apartment.

"It's not like I'm doing it because I don't like her. It's just a bad idea."

Shinji was wiggling again.

"But I understand why she doesn't like it. I just wish she'd be reasonable once in a while. It's always all or nothing with her. Sometimes it wears on me."

Misato sighed and leaned back in her chair. Her legs recrossed under the table. She took a sip of her tea and observed Shinji from the side of her vision. He was once again shifting positions. Misato sighed once more.

"You don't have to sit here and listen to me complain, you know."

Shinji smiled uncertainly. "I don't mind."

"Go ahead. I know you want to check up on her. She should have cooled down enough to approach without the risk of heatstroke by now. I doubt you'll get burned at all."

"She's not that bad." said Shinji frowning.

Misato nodded slowly. "She's gotten better. I think you're good for her."

Somehow that didn't feel like a complement.

"Thanks," said Shinji. He finished off the last of his tea and placed the cup in the sink before making his way to Asuka's room.

* * *

Asuka was attempting to choke the life out of a pillow. She laid face down upon her bed with her arms squeezing the hypothetical breath out of its hypothetical lungs. She realized that the pillow had no life to begin with and that's the only reason her efforts resulted in failure. Another failed attempt involved not imagining that the lifeless dying thing beneath her was Misato. Admittedly, she wasn't trying very hard.

The knock on her door was surprising and unwelcome.

"Go away."

"It's me..."

"So?"

"Can I come in?"

Asuka released her stranglehold and let out a hot angry breath.

"If you have to..."

Before he had a chance to open the door she was sitting upright on her bed. Her back was straight and her shoulders properly aligned with her waist. Her piercing glare was fixed where his eyes would be. Was she angry? Yes. Pissed off? Sure. But something like this did _not_ get to her. She was above petulance and despair. She was Asuka Langely Sohryu and no one would forget that. Especially not Shinji.

He caught her gaze and instantly looked down and away. Good for him. He knew his place.

"... about back there..." he said.

"Oh what about it?" asked Asuka. Her acid smile should have burned a hole through her lips. "You were a real big help, you know. Thanks for jumping in there and taking my side. Couldn't have done it without you."

"That's not really fair..." Shinji looked amazingly hurt. He held the undisputed title of number one household martyr. Misato eat your heart out. Luckily Asuka was still a little too ticked off to care.

"Fair. Right, you two seem to know a lot about fair. It's so wonderfully fair for me to sit there asking for permission to do something responsible and then have you all laugh at me like I'm some sort of idiot. 'Oh look at Asuka trying to drive in a hurricane. Doesn't she know they're dangerous? Doesn't she realize she can get hurt? What a silly little girl driving off into the big bad storm on a whim.' But I'm going to bury my father, not a trip to the damned beach."

"Nobody thinks that," said Shinji, but he might as well not have.

"And then she says, 'Go get a rental car.' But she knows damn well that there isn't a single place in Japan that would rent to a minor. Thinks she's so smart, kicking me while I'm down. Like I haven't taken enough. Like I don't even deserve her respect. The least she could do is have the guts to just tell me no, but instead she's got to toy with me. Has to flaunt her power. I'll be so glad when I'm 18. I can't wait to get out of this place. I can't leave faster."

"You don't mean that."

"Of course you wouldn't think so. She treats you like the fucking penguin. I bet you couldn't wait till I left so she could give your belly a nice long rub." Asuka's smile was viscous. "When you have your little tea-time lovefest does she feel you up under the table?"

And that was where Shinji drew the line.

"Would you listen for a second?" he asked. But it wasn't so much a question as a command. A statement filled with surprising power. Asuka looked briefly taken aback. And then her expression sobered. The anger was still there, but the intensity was diminished. She looked as if she'd at least hear what he had to say. But when Shinji spoke again, his voice was diminished.

"I think I might know where you can get a car," he said.

Asuka just looked on with absolute hatred. Not of Shinji, but of the situation. Her frown was heavy and cumbersome. Her words had been bitter. She couldn't stand to eat them. But she had to. She had to because she'd been wrong. And he was right. And he didn't even care that he was right. It would have been so much easier if he did.

"I'm sorry," she said. Sour. Nasty. Disgusting. If he was waiting for her to say something else she hoped he had time on his hands.

"Don't worry about it," said Shinji. He had the nerve to smile, however weakly. The thought of violence briefly crossed her mind before she shamefully extinguished it. "It's just a small chance right now. I don't know if we can actually get it or not."

He was talking about the car.

"Thanks," she said. That had a slightly better flavor.

"Don't thank me yet," said Shinji, frowning slightly. "You're not going to like it..."

* * *

Toji wasn't the least popular kid in the world, but there was a reason he kept the amount of phone calls he made to a minimum. It wasn't that he didn't like hearing from people. On the contrary. It was nice to hear from his acquaintances and whatnot. He liked knowing what was going on. Or at least having a basic idea. But there was something about telephone conversation that hindered the process. Made it seem... inauthentic, if you will.

People lied on the phone. They lied often and more freely because they could get away with it. Without the visual clues to confirm their honesty, all it took was a carefully crafted voice to deceive and that was it. Though admittedly this wasn't a huge problem when talking to Shinji, who couldn't get away with a lie if his life depended on it. But there were still annoyances to deal with.

Why did people insist on giving him the runaround?

With idle questions...

_"So... how was your day?"_

"It was alright, Shinji."

... more idle questions...

_"Oh... was work good?"_

"It's work."

_"Yeah..." _And then a merciless pause before... _"You hear from Kensuke lately?"_

"Yeah we hung out the other day."

_"oh... How's he doing?"_

Toji checked his pulse. Yup. Shinji was killing him.

"He's doing fine."

_"That's good..."_

"..."

_"..."_

_Seriously?_

"Hey I'm glad you called but I got a... thing... to do..." Definitely too easy to lie. "So unless there was something else you wanted to say..."

_"Right... well actually I wanted to ask you about something..."_

"Yeah?"

_"You know how you have a car, right?"_

Indeed. Toji was well aware of the car that he'd spent a year and a half working at a ramen shop to earn the cash for. This was not news to him.

"What about it?"

_"And you know how we don't have a car?"_

"Who's we?"

_"Me and Asuka... Asuka and I... we don't have one."_

"And?"

It was like pulling teeth.

_"We were wondering... you know... if we could borrow yours?"_

Now he had his attention.

"For what?" Toji asked.

_"We want to go to China..."_

"To China?"

Shinji said in a near whisper, _"... well how would you have told him?"_

"Huh?"

_"Yeah... uh... China. For a funeral."_

"Who did you know in China?"

_"What?... oh no. The funeral's in Germany you see... it's just..." _Shinji's voice lowered to a whisper, _"Asuka... her father died..."_

"Oh," said Toji. He tried to think of something better to say. The best he could come up with was, "Sorry to hear that."

_"Yeah..."_

"..."

_"..."_

"So... you need my car?"

_"Right..."_

"But why are you going to China?"

_"Because there aren't any flights to Germany from the Tokyo-2 airport... there's a storm coming... you see..."_

"Okay," said Toji, but he had to think about it. He wasn't going to answer on a whim when his baby's health was on the line. After a moment he reached a conclusion. "I'm not just going to let you take my car to China."

_"Oh... I... well... oh..."_ Then in a whisper to his invisible friend, _"He said no... I don't know... what do you want me to do?"_

"Don't get me wrong... maybe we can work something out... but you can't just take it to China..."

_"Well uh... Asuka... she really needs the car..."_ Then in a hiss... _"I'm __**not**__ sounding desperate..."_

"Why doesn't she just talk to me herself?"

Apparently Shinji was taken off guard by this question as it took him a while to respond.

_"Er... she's just a little... shaken up by the whole thing... she doesn't want to have to deal with... um... other people... er... OW! That's what you told me! Well it's true... I mean... but-"_

_"Suzuhara?" a_sked Asuka. Shinji's phone privileges had been revoked.

"Yes?"

_"I'll be paying for all the gas. I'm willing to offer you an oil change as well as a check up from a credible mechanic."_

"I appreciate the generosity and all, but I'm not worried about gettin' paid. I'm just worried about my car."

_"Suck it up. We'll take good care of it."_

"Not good enough."

"..."

"..."

_"So how do we fix this?"_

"The car's not goin' nowhere without me in it."

_"..."_

"..."  
_  
"Fine... we're leaving Thursday at 6am sharp. Don't be late."_

"Also I'm bringing Kensuke."

_"Why in the world would you need to do that?"_

"So we can drive in 2 man shifts. One person at the wheel, one person navigating, and two people sleeping."

_"Now you're being over protective."_

"Do you want my car or not?"

_"..."_

"..."

_"Well I'm not talking to him any more than I have to."_

"Fair enough."  
_  
"The same goes for you."_

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

_"And I'm not paying for that oil change anymore..."_

"You already offered."

_"Dammit... whatever."_

"Ha."  
_  
"I'm bringing a girl along too. I don't want to be surrounded by idiots."_

"Fine. But it'll be cramped in the backseat."

_"Fine. I'm putting Shinji back on the line."_

"Please don't..."

_"Hello..."_

"Hey Shinji..."

_"..."_

"..."

_"So... how've you been doing?"_

Toji banged his head on the wall.

* * *

It had been relatively easy to convince Hikari to tag along. She had displayed some initial concerns, yes, but once she knew the nature of the trip, she had all but waved them away. Asuka didn't seem to care very much that she couldn't drive and seemed more interested in the company than anything else. Which surprised Hikari to a degree, but it was somewhat flattering.

The plans were made quickly since there was nothing to stand in their way. Hikari's initial concern for the risk involved in the trip was quickly swept away by Asuka's confidence in the matter. And once her fears were laid to waist, there was really nothing holding her back. She didn't have anyone left to ask permission.

Hikari slept over at the Katsuragi apartment the night before the trip, for convenience sake. They spent the majority of the time watching TV in their pajamas and talking. Asuka seemed incredibly chatty for a girl who'd recently lost a parent, but Hikari wasn't going to be the one to point that out. It was awkward talking so candidly in light of the situation, but she soon got past the discomfort. If Asuka didn't want to bring up anything unpleasant then she certainly wasn't going to be the one to break the mood. Besides, she couldn't remember the last time she'd talked so casually with another person. Maybe she was enjoying it a bit too much.

It was strange to realize all the things she'd been missing from life. The way Asuka smiled mischievously at the mention of anything remotely scandalous. How she still after all this time managed to put down Shinji behind his back. She loved the way that Asuka carried herself when talking to her. She moved her hands here and there, making tiny gestures that implied deeper meanings. The way her face would contort itself expectantly after finishing a sentence, just waiting for Hikari to give a response. For the first time in a long time Hikari felt that her input wasn't just wanted, but mandatory. It was nice to be needed again, even for something so small.

But what excited Hikari the most was the realization that Asuka wasn't going anywhere. Even after they'd brushed their teeth and slipped into their night clothes Asuka was right there on her futon, laying 2 feet away. She was curled into a ball and breathing softly, her face a blank slate, red hair slightly disheveled but not quite a mess and she appeared to be at peace. She wasn't going to leave. At least not any time soon. Once they got to their destination then inevitably she'd have to go. But for now, she was there. And Hikari couldn't have been happier.

"Thank you," she whispered in Asuka's general direction.

Then Asuka had to ruin the moment by saying "For what?"

Hikari blushed deeply and pretended to be asleep.

* * *

The atmosphere was kind of bleak as the four of them waited in the living room. Asuka and Hikari sat on the love seat, the former constantly glancing at the clock on the wall while the latter seemed lost in thought. Shinji took up a seat at the kitchen table with his traveling bag resting in his lap. Misato hovered around the room seeming to take up all places at once.

"Have you got all your bags ready?"

"Yes," said Shinji after Asuka didn't respond.

"You all have several sets of clothes to change into right?"

"Yes Misato."

"You never know what might happen."

Asuka's face soured as the big hand reached 12 and the little hand reached 6. She knew she should have told Toji to come half an hour early. They were already behind schedule.

"You didn't forget toothbrushes, did you?"

"No."

"Toothpaste, mouthwash, and deodorant?"

"Yeah, we have them."

"Feminine products?"

"Uh..."

"Did everyone use the bathroom?"

"What are we, four?" asked Asuka with perhaps a bit more bite than necessary.

A knock on the door effectively ended the conversation. Misato hurried to open it.

"Hello Kensuke, Toji. It must be terrible out there."

The two were dressed in rain coats and dripping water onto the floor. Though they initially looked miserable, one glance at Misato cleared their expressions right away.

"Hello, miss Katsuaragi," said Toji. "It's crazier than hell out there. I've never seen it rain this bad in my whole life."

Asuka couldn't think of a worse thing for Toji to say to Misato.

"Well let's get going," she said loudly. She and Hikari grabbed their bags and headed toward the door.

"Are you going to be alright driving in that?" asked Misato.

"Sure we will," said Asuka.

"I don't know..."

Asuka let out a sigh of frustration. "There's nothing to know."

"Maybe you should wait until it clears up a bit."

"No," said Kensuke adjusting his glasses. "It's only going to get worse from here."

Kensuke felt a sharp elbow in his side.

"Ow... but once we get to the bridge, it'll be smooth sailing."

"Right, so no need to worry. Shinji grab my other bag. We're already running late."

Shinji made an awkward attempt to grab both of his bags into one hand while grabbing Asuka's extra bag into the other. After a moment of positioning, that task was accomplished. By this time Asuka was already beginning to nudge Toji and Kensuke out of the door. Misato was openly frowning.

"Well I'm still not sure if this is such a good idea..."

"Uh-huh," said Asuka. "See you when we get back."

Shinji brushed pass Misato as he struggled with the bags. "Bye Misato," he said.

Hikari thanked her for her hospitality.

"Alright, but you kids call me when you reach the bridge."

"Okay," said Shinji. Everyone else was already out the door.

"And make sure you stop somewhere and rest if you get tired."

Shinji said, "Right" as he began to walk down the narrow hallway with the bags banging awkwardly against his legs. He turned around briefly when Misato spoke again.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she called after him and Shinji had to smirk a little. But as funny as it was, Misato was completely serious.

* * *

The trip to the car was short but miserable. Asuka used her freed hand to shield Hikari and herself with an umbrella. The men were left to what little protection they could find from their hoods. With all the shuffling around none of them managed to stay completely dry. There were brief complications with loading the car. Too much stuff and not enough space. Toji wondered aloud why Shinji had to have two big bags for a four day round trip and everyone besides Kensuke wondered why there was so much junk food everywhere.

A brief argument about the seating arrangements occurred after everything was packed into the car. Asuka simply would not be sitting in the cramped middle seat. Hikari offered to take the spot when Shinji didn't exactly jump at the opportunity, but Asuka wasn't content to let her slip so far in composure. She assured her friend that Shinji would be just fine sitting there, and though he did grimace a bit, he did not complain. It wasn't particularly comfortable for anyone, as almost every seat had bags of food where their legs should go.

"Do we really need all this stuff, Ken?" asked Toji.

"Just trying to come prepared..."

"Who eats pork rinds anyways?"

"Um... your elbow is..."

"Lots of people."

"Shinji, your elbow's right in my..."

"Sorry Hikari..."

"Try not to be such an idiot," said Asuka. "and why aren't we moving yet?"

Toji rolled his eyes. Amateurs, every last one of them. "Somebody's gotta say it."

"Say what?"

"If I have to tell you..."

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"As a heart attack."

"Eh... why don't you say it?" asked Shinji.

"I'm the driver. How lame would that be?"

"Maybe you should give us a hint?" said Hikari uncertainly.

Asuka said, "Maybe I should put my foot up his..."

"Come on... one of you has got to know what I'm talking about right?"

"You got 10 seconds to get this car moving before I take a fist to your temple."

"You won't leave me hanging will ya, Ken?"

"No, no, I've got you. This isn't my first rodeo. I just didn't think I had the right... you know... not really my place..."

"Go ahead. No one else is gonna."

"Are you sure?"

"10, 9, 8, 7..."

"Well if you're absolutely certain..."

"4, 3, 2..."

"Spit it out already," said Toji.

Kensuke pumped a fist in the air and yelled, "Road Trip!"

Asuka decided to hit him instead.

* * *

**AN: **Thanks for reading this. Tell me what you think about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN**: This one's a bit longer. If you'd like, read the author notes at the end to see me begging and whining about several things.

**From Point A**

**Chapter 2**

"Road Trip!"

Shinji felt pretty bad for Kensuke when Asuka slapped him. He could tell she wasn't holding back. It was the type of punishment she rarely dealt out nowadays because the offenses acted out against her were few and far between. He personally didn't feel that Ken deserved to get hit _that _hard but the guy did have something coming to him.

"My dad just died you insensitive prick! We're not going to Cancun!"

Toji took this as his cue to start up the car. Shinji felt slight vibrations through his seat. The engine growled. It didn't purr. The windshield wipers squeaked on the backstroke. Like _swish-sqeeeeeek, swish-sqeeeeeek. _They occilated in 4/4 time at 120 beats per second. It was still too early for the sound to be annoying. When Toji put her in reverse, the vehicle jumped. Shinji didn't want to think about how Toji could possibly see out of the rear windshield. He felt safer that way.

They cruised quickly through the apartment parking lot, going 25 mph in a 10 mph zone. They just slowed down for the speed bumps, turn left at the end of the drive, and hit the open road. It was a main street but it wasn't busy then. Only a few cars were willing to brave the storm. It was just half a mile to the freeway with three traffic lights in between. Toji's dream machine somehow managed to get caught by each and every one of them.

Shinji listened to Asuka huff in frustration at each unscheduled stop. To her a thirty second stop made you 30 seconds late. Toji wasn't taking it well either. At the third light he cursed quietly under his breath.

"He hit'em all on the way down here too," said Kensuke. Toji unkindly told him to shut up.

Shinji didn't care much one way or another. He was content to get there when he got there, whenever or wherever that was. His only complaint was the leg room... and the arm room... and the butt room, all of which were scarce. The bag of food directly under his legs had been uncomfortable, forcing him to bend them awkwardly to avoid crushing the goods. By the second stop light he'd decided to pull it into his lap, so at the very least he'd have somewhere convenient to put his feet.

The girls on either side of him did little in the way of complaining, or helping for that matter. Shinji was glad that neither of them seemed particular perturbed by the necessary physical contact. All of their hips were touching. There was just no getting around that. And Shinji for his part did the best he could to keep his legs to himself, but being male had it's own sets of disadvantages in that regards. It helped to lean to one side a bit, and naturally he favored Asuka's. However, Asuka did nothing to make any room for his leg on her side of that weird floor divider thing that's always sticking up in the middle of cars. (What's the deal with that anyways?) Hikari was kind enough to push herself as close to the window as humanly possible, but Shinji didn't take her up on her unspoken offer. He didn't want to impose on her seeing as he'd already poked her with an errant elbow. So he was stuck bumping knees with Asuka. It didn't help that the rain was making everything in the car feel nice and humid.

When they reached the freeway things got better. Or at least they felt... more open. Kind of free. The rain still fell like a curtain around the car, penny sized drops plopping readily on the windshield. But there was a sense of solitude that the streets didn't offer. No longer did the buildings loom on their sides, but they hung in the distance like part of the scenery. Their visage was mostly wiped away in the rain. Instead there were the highway barriers on either side, securin, them in their journey, guiding them ever westward bound on an invisible track. To Shinji's left Asuka was looking out the window, hair tucked behind her ears, bangs hitting just above her right eyebrow, eyes turned forward seeing Shinji but not caring, staring past the seat in front of her and around Kensuke's head, toward where the road would be if she could see it clearly through the windshield.

But Shinji looked past her to the window where the rain fell irregularly on the sides. Seeming to barely strike this part of the car as opposed to the front. The monotonous drone of rain on the hood and the roof lulling him into a sense of passiveness. He could somehow ignore Hikari shifting uncomfortably at his side and focused on nothing. Being whisked away to a place that suddenly lost it's name and location. Like grass cast to the wind. No one cares where it goes just that it moves onward, seeming to drift for eternity.

No destination, but forever a journey.

Sorta.

* * *

"This is boring," said Asuka. After no one immediately responded she added, "Don't you have some music or something?"

"Eh," said Toji. "Just the radio."

"I have some CDs," said Kensuke.

"Doesn't anyone have music?" asked Asuka. Hikari giggled a little too hard. After a slightly awkward pause Asuka said, "Fine, put it in Aida."

"That's what she said." The car swerved slightly as Toji received a well earned slap.

Chuckling, Kensuke pulled a CD out of his bag and placed it in the car stereo system. He pressed play and music streamed from the cars rear speakers. Techno music to be precise.

Asuka made a show of sighing, but did not verbally complain and no one else seemed to have anything to say. As the rain beat down on the car the repetitive rhythms of the music pulsated throughout the vehicle.

"_I'm flying here in your arms. Hold me tight, no need for alarm. Nothing can do me harm. When I'm flying here in your arms_."

Everyone but Toji was a little surprised that Kensuke would listen to something so sentimental, even if the tempo was almost as fast as the squeaky windshield wipers. Everyone but Toji never spent much time getting to know Kensuke. It wasn't intentional neglect. He just never seemed all that interesting.

"_Hold me close. Just hold me close. Don't you ever let me go oh no __**no**__! Hold me close. Won't you hold me close? Cause your lovin' keeps me afloat."_

It was Toji's unrivaled familiarity with his friend that allowed him to say the following: "This song is pretty gay, Ken."

"Well I wasn't going to say anything," said Asuka, "But… yeah."

"It's not that bad," said Kensuke.

"It's a dude singing about being held by another dude."

"He's singing to a girl."

"Still gay," Toji decreed.

Shinji secretly agreed with Toji and Asuka. Hikari secretly thought the song was cute.

Kensuke said, "Fine," and turned to the next track on the CD. Another fast tempo song played over the speakers.

"_I want your love inside of me, inside of me, inside of me. I need your love inside of me. __**INSIDE OF ME! Yeah!**_"

"Seriously?" asked Toji.

It was the same man singing.

"You're just making it seem bad!" Kensuke said. "The guy is married."

"What's his husband's name?" asked Asuka. Hikari laughed just a little longer than everyone else.

"Whatever," said Kensuke as he turned off the CD player.

* * *

_Swish-SQUEEEK, Swish-SQUEEEK_

Kensuke purchased DJ Suki's debut CD at a time in his life when things weren't going quite right. The kids in school were finally passed the stage of awkward mid-puberty socializing where the term 'dating' meant you walked a girl home from school and stole a tongue-less kiss every now and then. They were moving toward the part in life where everyone seemed to pair up like crazy. With guys not just lying about losing their virginity to some girl, but actually doing it. It was a time when some of the boys in his class begin taking girls seriously. More specifically, it was around the time that Toji started dating Hikari.

With his best friend dating the class representative, there wasn't quite as much time to pal-around anymore. Add to that the fact that Toji was constantly taking care of his sister; it became a rarity for Kensuke to see him outside of school. And though he felt somewhat abandoned and betrayed, he never said anything about it.

_Swish-SQUEEEK, Swish-SQUEEEK_

Kensuke wasn't the jealous type. He was just the bitter type.

Having no dating prospects of his own, he felt rather empty inside. And so, randomly happening across DJ Suki's "The Filling Feeling" and listening to the sample track "Your Love Inside Me" at a music store, Kensuke was instantly enamored. He loved the beats. He loved the singing. And he completely loved the message. The idea of a man being able to find the fulfillment that he was looking for in life struck a special cord in him, even though he hadn't felt such a thing himself.

But Kensuke did not buy the CD the first time he heard it. He went home, went online and listened to all the tracts obsessively on a video sharing website. When he'd heard every song on DJ Suki's first CD he listened to all the tracks on his second and third as well. He stayed up well into the middle of the night listening to the music. The next day he went back to the music store and bought every DJ Suki CD released as well as some CDs from similar techno groups.

He was a little offended that everyone else in the car essentially crapped on his personal interests.

_Swish-SQUEEEK, Swish-SQUEEEK_

It made him feel empty again.

* * *

What started out as a simple joke at Kensuke's expense petered out into a long semi-silence. With the rain pouring down all around them, there was nothing in their surroundings to spark conversation. The absence of music in the car only highlighted this almost silence, making it feel stuffy. Everyone felt a little bad about laughing at Kensuke when he so obviously took his music seriously but not bad enough to apologize. And so they all sat awkwardly and listened to the windshield wipers.

_Swish-SQUEEEK, Swish-SQUEEK_

It was starting to get a bit annoying. A lot of things were.

Hikari was growing tired of keeping completely to her own side. Her right arm felt uncomfortable. She held it across her lap in an attempt to give Shinji his space. But giving him space meant sacrifice her own.

Shinji was trying to stay as still as possible. The bag on his lap made a crinkling noise every time he shifted his position. He didn't want to put the bag down and lose his legroom, nor did he want to be responsible for adding another annoying noise to the atmosphere. He also didn't know where to put his hands. His lap was full so he circled his hands around the bag, increasing his chances of making noise.

Asuka didn't really notice the windshield wipers. Her mind generally tuned out repetitive noises. She did however, hate the lack of entertainment. With no one talking and no music she was left alone to her thoughts. Which was the opposite of what she wanted.

Toji was too absorbed in driving to care about the _Swish-SQUEEK_ or the anxiety in the air. He just wished he could see five feet in front of the windshield. Likewise Kensuke, was too busy sulking to complain.

And so passed 15 minutes before…

_Swish-SQUEEEK, Swish-SQUEEK_

"Could we listen to the radio?" asked Hikari.

Kensuke put on a J-pop station that he found slightly tolerable. Toji hated it, but did not complain.

* * *

Time passed slightly faster with the j-pop playing in the background. Asuka was the only one actively listening to the music, tapping her fingers at the appropriate intervals. Everyone else took solace knowing that the awkward silence had finally dispelled. Shinji resumed his trance like window gazing. Most of the other occupants of the car participated in similar activities.

The _swish-SQUEEKS _felt like a distant sound from miles away. They were barely aware of it. Like how people who live by airports almost don't notice when airplanes fly overhead. _Almost._ It was just as easy to ignore the hard pitter-pat of the rain as it beat upon Toji's poor dream machine. The lighthearted croonings of this year's most loved and (presumably) talented Idol stood in stark contrast to the disparaging weather that surrounded them. The stereo pumped out its cheery tunes: a bastion against the gloomy storm.

Toji wordlessly turned onto an entrance ramp. The sound of rain beating heavily on the car instantly stopped. Everyone looked around in wonder. Their faces shone of surprised confusion as they inspected their surroundings. Like waking up from an uneasy slumber.

The exit ramp lead into a concrete tunnel with lights strung up along the ceiling. For the first time since hitting the road, everyone was aware of the other cars around them. Most of these vehicles were freight trucks carrying international goods. A few of them were other cars weathering the storm for their own personal reason. You could see the people in the vehicles craning their necks and looking around the well-lit tunnel, relieved at the haven from the storm. They all pushed forward toward the alluring light at the end of the tunnel. The drove together, spread out spaciously amongst the five-lane highway until they all reached their mutual goal: A sign that read, "Welcome to The Great International Restoration Bridge. _Crossway to the Future!"_

It didn't seem nearly as cheesy as it could have.

The most amazing thing about the bridge was not its massive size. What immediately awed drivers the most was the impressive view. The sight of water almost as far as the eye can see stretched out on either side of you, gives off an impression grandness that is hard to describe. Shinji watched as the rain raged against the outside of the transparent dome that encased bridge. Even though his view was slightly obstructed by Asuka, he was struck by the sheer size of the world around him. Hikari strained to look past both Shinji and Asuka, momentarily forgetting her resolve to maintain their proximity. She shifted as much as she could in her seatbelt to see past them to the view on the other side of the car. Toji barely watched the road as he drove, yet still managed to stay within his lane. Kensuke went so far as to put his head out of the window and stare up at the top of their tubular shelter. Huge sheets of water rolled off the top of the tunnel and cascaded down either side.

"Awesome," he whispered. No one verbally responded, but Toji nodded his head unseen.

They drove on for half-a-mile, rubbernecking to their hearts content. When they saw an exit sign reading "International Restoration Bridge Welcome Center" in Japanese, Chinese, and English, Kensuke demanded that they stop. Whether out of mutual interest or simple indifference, no one made any motion to the contrary.

* * *

The welcome center was a huge dome-like establishment located on the side of the highway. The exit ramp was packed with cars making their way towards the building. Unsurprisingly, none of the freight trucks seemed to be stopping there. It was a matter of 'been there, done that'. They had jobs to do. And though Asuka was intent on making her deadlines for catching the plane to Germany, she'd left room for a few necessary stops along the way. She figured with her careful and generous time management, the group could afford to be gawking tourists for thirty minutes or so.

After Toji parked, Kensuke lead the way through the glass double doors of the Welcome center with a manic smile firmly in place. His early embarrassment was completely forgotten. They passed an information stand near the entry and Kensuke, Shinji, and Hikari all grabbed informational brochure. Everyone listened with mild interest as Kensuke rattled off facts listed on the brochure and some that were not. His head darted all around as he spoke, so it was clear that he wasn't gaining this knowledge from reading.

"…Platform is around three hundred feet above the surface of the sea. However most of the support pillars that hold the platform up reach all the way to a depth of Three-thousand feet below sea level…"

The entrance area of the Welcome center was something akin to a museum. There were glass display cases littered throughout the place and posters lined the wall showing pictures of the many places of interest worth visiting along the length of the bridge. Most of these posters had brochures on them which explained the details of the venues as well. Toji flirted with the idea of stopping at a western style steakhouse about a three hour drive away, but thought better of it when he saw the prices.

"… which is amazing considering the tiny 100 foot diameter of each pole. Luckily plans for building the bridge coincided with public release of the synthetic polycarbonate titanium hybrid developed by Gherin Technologies in the wake of second impact. It's the only metal capable of supporting colossal loads of weight with such a slender surface area. The same metal used in the exoskeleton of the Evangelion Units, as you all know."

Aside from Kensuke, no one had been aware of that.

"Hmmm," said Hikari.

The group had somewhat splintered off into several different directions within the entry hall. Shinji made good on his promise to call Misato. The conversation mostly consisted of Shinji giving yes or no answers as Misato drilled him with questions about the status of the trip. It concluded with Misato asking him to call her again when they left the bridge. Asuka and Toji went off to one corner perusing posters on the wall. They didn't stand together or talk to one another directly. They just randomly threw out comments to the air that were heard by the other person but seldom responded to. Like "Hmm, that's interesting." This left Hikari as Kensuke's only audience while he rambled on and on about the construction of the bridge. She didn't mind though. It was actually pretty interesting.

"I was surprised to find out that only a fourth of the support beams are actually secured to peaks of the ocean floor. The majority of the beams are supported by the natural buoyancy of the metal pillars making this the first bridge of its kind."

"Oh," said Hikari, surprised as well. "But then how does it…?"

"Initially skeptics were afraid that the structure would simply 'drift off to sea'", said Kensuke, cutting her off. "But the calculations from small scale modeling showed that the secured pillars (when properly positioned) were more than sufficient to ensure that the bridge stayed perfectly in place. However, the nature of the structure allows for horizontal movement of up to thirty feet on either side."

"So…" said Hikari drawing Kensuke's attention. "The bridge is moving?"

"Technically yes. But all bridges are designed to shift slightly in position. Without allowing some 'give' to the support system, the wear and tear on the structure produced by the constant forces of the wind and sea would slowly make the structure unsound. The design of this bridge allows the structure to flow with the forces surrounding it, reducing the overall maintenance required by almost half."

Hikari looked down at a display case depicting the relative heights and lengths of some of the largest bridges in the world. Scale drawings of the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway, the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel, the Thi Nai Bridge, and the Golden Gate Bridge were placed beside the Great International Restoration Bridge for comparison's sake. None of the others came close. It occurred to Hikari that she was actually standing on something that big.

"It really is amazing," she said.

"I know!" said Kensuke. "It should be the eighth wonder of the world. The bridge is 480 miles long. That's 65 times longer than the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway. It's one of the few manmade landmarks visible from space."

Kensuke allowed Hikari a moment to soak in the enormity of the situation. He almost began to launch into an explanation of how much manpower and machinery it took to build the bridge before Hikari spoke.

"You'd make a great tour guide," she said. The idea had suddenly sprung into her head. The more she thought about it the more true it seemed. "You really know a lot."

Kensuke blushed openly and put his hand behind his neck.

"I'm just interested in this kind of thing." When Hikari didn't immediately respond he felt compelled to continue. "I think it's amazing that people can produce such great accomplishments. Something like this bridge would have seemed impossible 20 years ago, but now it's reality. I just think if people can do something this great, the least I could do is appreciate it."

"Hmm," said Hikari. She hadn't really expected such a thoughtful statement from Kensuke. Again, it was interesting, but she really didn't have a response to that. So she just sort of smiled. Kensuke rubbed at the back of his neck a little longer before slowly dropping his hand.

He said, "Did you know the Chinese Architect who developed the initial designs for the bridge still lives with his mother?"

She knew now.

* * *

"Anybody want a pretzel?"

Asuka said anybody, but she was only really addressing Hikari and maybeShinji. Even she wasn't sure.

"We have food in the car," said Kensuke.

"Not pretzels."

"No," Kensuke insisted. "I brought a whole bag of them."

"Not pretzels like those," said Asuka gesturing to the pretzel stand in the food court. The little shop had a grand selection of baked twisted goods. The wide assortment of toppings ranged from nacho cheese, to cinnamon sugar, and even fruit dips. The pretzels themselves were made fresh on the spot and the group could smell the cooking dough from where they stood some 10 feet away.

"Well if you want to waste your money." Kensuke relented. He would have been a fool to insist his hard pre-packaged pretzels were better.

After the informational entrance hall of the welcome center, there was very little that could distinguish the place from the average shopping mall. There were clothes stores, and souvenir shops everywhere. And of course there was the massive food court for the weary travelers to come and eat. The only thing that really separated the place from any mall in Tokyo-3 was the difference in pricing. Everything was expensive. Before making their way to the food court Kensuke purchased a commemorative coin for thirty-five dollars, Shinji bought a twenty dollar mug with his name on it, and Asuka convinced Hikari to buy matching sweaters at forty bucks a pop. Even the pretzels cost twice as much as anyone expected. And yet they all bought one. Even Toji, reluctantly laid his cash on the counter for a cinnamon sugar pretzel with cream-cheese frosting dip. He was the only one who hadn't wasted his money so far, but those pretzels were too much to resist.

The group left the food court with their costly treats in hand. They made their way to the Welcome Center Observatory, at Kensuke's request. Once again no one was really complaining. The experience of the bridge was still too fresh and new for that.

The domed glass roof of the observatory merged perfectly into the glass tunnel covering the whole of the bridge. The glass offered an unobstructed view of the world outside. There were plants and flowers scattered throughout the room, giving the area a greenhouse feel. Kensuke barely contained himself from running forward and smushing his face against the glass. He compromised with a speed walk, getting there faster than anyone else in the group. Toji and Shinji shared an amused smile as they joined him.

Hikari stood closely next to Asuka looking out at the turbulent world around them. Water fell down the side of the translucent wall in giant liquid sheets, somewhat obstructing their view. Beyond this, the splatter of hard rain against the surface of the glass provided a constant rapping noise as it disrupted and joined the falling water sheets. The wind blew hard in a way that could only be seen not heard. Hikari could actually tell that they were moving, swaying back and forth with the wind. It made her kind of anxious, even though she knew she was safe.

"…Polymorphic blah blah blah Glass…. Blah blah blah… three-hundred dollars per square foot… blah blah," she vaguely heard Kensuke say to someone. Just like a tour guide, he was relatively easy to ignore.

Asuka said something about nerds quietly to her and she realized much too late that she probably should have laughed.

Hikari took a couple of steps away from the glass.

"Are you alright?" asked Asuka.

"I'm fine," she responded with a slight smile, but she gave a dubious glance to the water crashing against the walls of the observatory. Asuka stared at her for a good five seconds. Despite her words, Hikari felt… kind of weird.

"We should get going," said Asuka.

Shinji said, "Okay."

"…Laser cut surface… blah blah… welding warehouse…"

"We just got here," said Toji.

"We're on a schedule."

"Fine," said Toji pointing at Kensuke. "Break the man's hearts."

Asuka gave Kensuke a brief glance and shrugged. "He can stay here if he wants," she said and began to walk toward the exit. Shinji mirrored her perfectly with a shrug of his own and walked behind her. He didn't see any point in arguing.

That left Hikari and Toji staring at Kensuke as he rambled on and on about how special and precious the glass used to cover the bridge was. They took one look at each other and slowly looked away. Hikari felt even more strange than before. The situation grew awkward.

Without a word she turned and headed toward the exit.

* * *

Surprisingly Kensuke wasn't very upset at the prospect of leaving the welcome center. As they left the building and headed back for the car, his head was snapping in every direction looking at any and everything his eyes could see. There was literally no aspect of the bridge that did not interest him. By the time they got to the car, it was starting to get a little old.

"Did you know that a crew comes by and repaints the lines on the road every two months?"

"No kidding," said Toji putting the car in drive. "The same thing happens to the street outside my house too. What a coincidence?"

"There's five crews in total that complete the process over a period of three days between them. They work almost non-stop painting and touching up the paint laid down before."

"Fascinating, Ken," said Toji. "Just fascinating."

"They only take breaks during peak traffic hours to ensure that the trucks with appointments to make are on time for all their deliveries. But most of the trucks schedule their shipments around these maintenance days if possible. The joint government coalition that controls the bridge's upkeep send out a message weeks beforehand to let them know th-"

"Does that thing have an off-switch?" asked Asuka seriously.

"Trafic is still horrible around maintenance days. It just goes to show you that even the most sophisticated systems-"

Toji massaged his temple with his free hand. "If he does, I haven't found it yet."

"Shut up, Aida," said Asuka loudly.

"-scheduling complaints in the last ten months. A great reduction from previous years, so progress is being-"

At Kensuke's lack of response Asuka leaned forward in her seat and prepared to take more drastic measures. It was only Shinji's hand on her shoulder that stopped her. He shook his head sadly.

"It won't do any good," He said.

Asuka decided to withhold anger and violence for the moment and test Shinji's statement. She waved her hand in front of Kensuke's face. To her astonishment, there was no visible reaction. Not even a reflexive one.

"Can he… can he hear us?" asked Hikari.

"No," said Toji. "At least not right now."

"-pressure on committee elected officials, as if their limited resources could directly affect the situation."

"What the heck is wrong with him?" asked Asuka. She was looking at Shinji.

"We don't know," he said. "He just… keeps going on like that."

Toji let out an involuntary shudder. "Once… when we were kids, I let Kensuke convince me to go to an Air Show. He was quiet all throughout the show. I tried to talk to him, you know, about the planes and stuff. And he didn't even say a word to me. He just kept on staring up at the sky like I wasn't even there."

"I didn't know he was so… fixated," said Hikari.

"But that wasn't the worse part. After we got out of the show, we went back to his place. My dad was out of town so I was staying over there for the weekend. And… he just kept talking and talking about the planes. His dad would say stuff to him. Like ask him if he wanted something to eat, or if we needed more blankets or something. And Ken… he just kept talking about planes. So I had to answer for him. But he didn't eat anything that whole night. And he didn't even use the bathroom. He just kept talking about planes. And when _I _went to the bathroom he followed me. He almost walked into the door when I closed it behind him. And he just stood there… right outside… talking about the planes."

No one said anything for several moments. There was only the roar of the car's engine and Kensuke's hyper chattering.

"-Which is why chief officer of maintenance is still a highly sought after position, despite the low job security. No one can pass on that kind of money for what is essentially a cake walk of a-"

"Well… there are some advantages," said Toji, breaking the 'silence'. "Hey Ken, your face looks like a pimple on my behind."

"Toji!" said Hikari.

"What? He don't care what he looks like anyways, do you Ken? It's not like anyone can stand the smell to get close enough for a good look."

Kensuke expressed his anger at this by talking about bridges.

"Just because he can't hear you doesn't mean you can be a jerk," said Hikari. She hit Toji on the shoulder with an open hand.

"Why the hell not?" asked Toji. Even though it hadn't hurt in the slightest, he flinched back from her strike. "It's just a little… harmless fun and whatnot."

"I don't really see the point," said Asuka. "It's no fun if he doesn't respond."

"Pfft," said Toji. "It's fun _because _he doesn't respond."

"Only little schoolgirls get the giggles from talking behind someone's back."

"And only cold hearted bitches get the giggles from insulting people and embarrassing them."

It was Asuka's turn to scoff. "Grow a pair, Suzahara. If you've got something to say, then say it to his face. If you don't, then shut up."

"I'll say whatever I want when I'm in my car. If you don't like it you can get out."

"Really?" asked Asuka. "That's the best you've got?"

"Why don't you give it a rest, Red? Maybe I'm just trying to talk a little mess with my friends. I'm not always after the jugular like you."

Silence.

"-Interconnecting support joints on the western side of the platform landing…"

Sorta silence.

Shinji wasn't quite sure when the banter had cross the line from harmless to serious. He figured it was somewhere around the use of the phrase "cold hearted bitches". What he knew for sure, was that the resulting silence was angry and uncomfortable. He couldn't help but squirm awkwardly in his seat. He realized that maybe there was a reason all his friends didn't normally hang out together. But the way they didn't get along… for some reason it felt like it was his fault. Since it was only through association with him that they all stayed together, he felt like it sorta might kinda be his responsibility to keep things civil... maybe.

So as the silence grew longer and more and more awkward Shinji said, "Eh… I owe you $5, Kensuke." When Kensuke didn't directly respond he added, "We were at the arcade about a year ago and I left my wallet at home and you covered for me for a few games. I said I'd get the money back to you, but I never did because I ended up quitting my job around then. And you never mentioned it again, so I pretended like I didn't remember it either. But I did. And…"

Shinji noticed that everyone in the car (sans Kensuke) was looking at him strangely.

"And… uh…" he nearly whispered. "I just wanted to say that so I wouldn't feel bad about it anymore…"

No one spoke for a few moments. Shinji felt as if he'd made the atmosphere even more awkward than before.

And then Asuka said, "Well… even you have to agree _that's_ pathetic."

She was speaking directly to Toji.

"Yeah," he said. "That's pretty lame, man."

And silence. But significantly less stifling silence.

Shinji felt a lot like an idiot and a bit like a hero. He didn't like confrontation. Never had, never will. But he'd rather have everyone mildly gang up on him, than seriously arguing with each other. So he sat in silence and enjoyed his flawed little social victory.

But then Kensuke had to go and ruin it by saying,"-Bridge. I heard everything you said."

Things got awkward again…

* * *

The rain railed against the glass dome of the bridge and the sound was large and monotonous. Toji turned up the semi-tolerable pop music on the radio to kill the looming silence. Hikari felt strange, distorted, and out of place.

She remembered times like these in the past; Hanging out with friends, doing nothing but talking, arguing playfully, joking and laughing. Some of the best times she had in her life were spent talking with a group of friends at the mall after classes. Or even small conversations in-between classes. But all that changed when she and Toji broke up.

It's not like everyone started shunning her or anything. People liked Hikari. She was at least well known, if not popular. But for some reason or another she started distancing herself from everyone. It was not a conscious thing.

Slowly she felt herself pulling away. She put less effort into things she used to care about so much. Her grades slipped. Enough to be noticed, but not enough for concern. When she spoke she found herself not really caring what the other person had said. Her answers were short and to the point. Only giving as much as she received, if not less.

Some of her friends took notice and tried to help. Asuka wasn't one of them, but then again Hikari never really expected she would be. Asuka was the type of person who was sought after, not the type to seek. No one expected much out of her on that front. But there was one friend who tried to hold out as long as she possibly could.

Sayuri stuck by Hikari's side through most of the depressing period immediately following the breakup; Always talking to her, inviting her places, trying to cheer her up. But the constant attention only made her feel more depressed than ever. Knowing that someone thought she was so pitiful that she couldn't even properly be alone. Hikari resented it. She grew nearly hostile in her rejection of offers and kindess from the other girl. Eventually (much longer than Hikari expected) Sayuri picked up on this and left her alone. Not surprisingly, being totally isolated, did not make her any happier. But it was comfortable. Something she could understand and control.

This was not.

Socializing with other people used to be much easier. There was a natural flow, a way things were supposed to go. It was almost as if she could predict the flow of conversation and interactions before they even occurred. But here in this car there was only awkward uncertainty. One moment things could be going well, and then the next they're nearly at each other's throat. It was something she couldn't control. It made her feel sick.

But… she realized she was being over dramatic. Asuka and Toji always fought. Toji always gave Kensuke a hard time about his hobbies. And Shinji… well he was just Shinji. And people always treated him as such. These things had not changed in the past years and there was no reason to think that her absence from their lives would have any effect on it. But she just wished it didn't bother her so much.

She felt physically ill. The sway of emotions in the car made her feel unstable. Like there was no atmosphere in which she truly belonged.

The rain continued to beat down, and though they were well sheltered Hikari felt exposed. The girl on the radio sang, "_I want to love you but it's tearing me to pieces. You know I need you but I think we need a recess."_

Hikari couldn't sit still in her seat. She felt strained and anxious. Nauseous even. They'd only been driving for maybe half an hour. It was much too early feel this way. So she sucked it up and tried to bear it for as long as she could.

Ten minutes later she asked, "Could we stop for a bit?"

* * *

Hikari didn't remember the details of pulling into the rest center. She just remembered Toji asking her seriously if she was alright. Then Asuka took her to the edge of the bridge to get a little air. Kensuke and Shinji followed aimlessly along while Toji went to go use the bathroom.

As she stood next to the edge of the large glass dome that covered the bridge, Hikari watched the waves coming in and out. She heard Kensuke telling Shinji something about the 'strongest translucent material known to man'. Asuka was glancing uncertainly at Hikari and then her watch and then the waves, making Hikari feel incredibly nervous. She knew she was holding things up. She knew she was being a bother. But she felt… bad. Really bad.

Wind rushed in through the holes in the glass that were placed in staggered intervals of 20-30 feet. The holes themselves were about a foot in diameter and they littered the side of the glass, making the whole structure look like one large hamster tunnel. Kensuke explained to Shinji that it had something to do with air circulation and wind resistance. Shinji filed this information away in the 'do not care' portion of his brain, a section which had grown smaller over the years.

Kensuke went on and on about how the holes were designed to let air flow through the tunnel in order to minimize stress on the structure as the wind rushed at it from the sides. Hikari vaguely heard him. But she understood its meaning. They really were swaying back and forth. She could feel it more than see it. Moving along from side to side with each gust of wind and crashing wave. Back and forth and back and forth. Motion upon motion with no real progress. Just back and forth and back and forth an-

Hikari barely had time to register the bile rising up from her throat. She bent over herself at nearly one-hundred-eighty degrees, crossed her arms across her stomach and vomited. The taste was revolting. The feeling was both painful and a bit of a relief. It captured her full attention.

She didn't hear Asuka telling Shinji to hold her hair. Or see Kensuke break out of his trance giving her a look of revulsion. But she felt the hand rubbing her back and the voice in her ear telling her, "You're alright. It'll be okay." Both of which belonged to Shinji.

Later. What felt like much later, Shinji took two steps backwards and awkwardly asked, "Are you alright?"

Hikari felt so embarrassed that the only thing she could do was apologize.

Asuka said something about her not needing to come if she felt sick, which only made her feel worse and apologize more.

Kensuke said something about this being a common occurrence on the bridge. Like sea sickness on boats or something. This did not make Hikari feel any better. Nor did Kensuke's offering of Tums and Pepto-Bismol. He had both in the car.

When Toji came out from the bathroom she tried to hurry things along. Get them all moving toward the car. Assure everyone that she was okay. The thought of him seeing a pile of her vomit made her feel even more nauseous.

Luckily she was able to persuade them to leave before he could see.

They got back in the car. Shinji and Asuka kept glancing at her to see if she was alright. Hikari remembered that Shinji was holding her hair and rubbing her back. She realized that it was the only intentional human contact that she had had since Kodama returned home for Golden Week. She realized that he had seen her small pile of pretzel filled puke.

Hikari leaned her head against the window and tried very hard to stop herself from crying.

* * *

Toji was not completely oblivious to Hikari's pain but he wasn't completely aware of it either. He knew something was wrong, but also knew that it wasn't something he could fix. If there was some way he could help, he would. But if she simply wasn't feeling well… then he knew Asuka would take care of it (one way or another). And if it was something else that was bothering her, he couldn't do much until he told her about it. He didn't want to make things anymore awkward than they had to be. It was hard enough just being around each other. So Toji focused on the road.

Toji was deeply in love with his car. He'd been working for about a year and a half and had nearly two-thousand dollars to spend on a shiny used car. He drove around a couple of budget clunkers at the dealership. For his price range they wanted him to settle for any piece of crap that had four wheels and moved.

But Toji did his research. He looked on the net found a couple of dealers that had vehicles in his price range. Found a few that had _decent_ vehicles in his price range and narrowed his search to them. He fell in love with his little sedan on the test drive. It was a smaller car, only four cylinders, but it handled like a dream. When he hit the gas it had some real push behind it. And every turn was nice and smooth. So he talked it over with the dealer and haggled down the price to something almost reasonable. Saved up his money for a couple more months and painted her silver. The license plates were custom. They read, "Mari".

The vehicle felt like an extension of his body. He felt the wheels gliding over the pavement. Naturally leaned into each turn he made. And as soon as they got moving again, he rolled down the window and put his elbow out. He liked the sound of the wind rushing past the window. It made him feel connected.

Traffic wasn't a problem this evening so he just enjoyed the cruse. Toji drove at his own pace, which just happened to be 20 miles over the speed limit. Kensuke was the only one aware of how fast he was really going, but it didn't bother him in the slightest. Toji was a notorious speeder with a couple of tickets to his name because of it. But he'd never once been in an accident of any kind. Probably the safest driver Kensuke knew.

When Toji saw himself approaching another car, he would instantly switch lanes in order to pass them. If there was no room to pass, then he would simply slow down and wait. He never rode on anyone's bumper, nor did he get mad when others set a moderate speed. He just waited patiently for them to move at their own pace. Eventually even the slowest of drivers would clear out of his way. Then he would slowly accelerate, taking his time to get up to the speed that he personally desired. And the car behind him would watch him cruise away. No harm no foul. A safe drive for everyone.

Toji hated those flighty impatient drivers who rode right your tail and changed three lanes at a time. Usually he resisted the temptation to give them break checks, but not always. He never understood what they were hoping to accomplish. Sometimes he saw them speed pass him in a rushed panic, only to meet up with them at the bottom of an exit ramp stopped by a red light. What was the point of driving crazy if you barely even saved time?

But there was nothing like that to worry about on the bridge. The majority of the vehicles were trucks. Toji respected truckers, even if he didn't like driving next to them. They shared an understanding of the road. They made their moves when they had to, speeding when necessary, driving slowly sometimes as well, but always with respect. And when Toji passed a trucker he often looked up into their faces and nodded. The trucker usually nodded back. Almost as if to say, "Go your way, I'll go mine, and both of us will get there fine."

* * *

They drove on for most of the day in silence sprinkled with conversation. Usually there were just random remarks between two people that didn't necessarily involve everyone there. At one point Asuka and Hikari playfully debated about who was their favorite pop singer. This sparked a slightly more heated debate between Kensuke and Toji about which singer was hotter. Kensuke liked the new idol-turned-singer, Keiko Tanaba. But Toji preferred Reka Sanoko because she had "better cans". Kensuke conceded that Reka did indeed have bigger breasts, but insisted that Keiko had a cuter face and a certain girlish charm. This comment caused Toji to accuse Kensuke of pedophilia, an accusation that Ken denied by stating that the Keiko was older than him. She just looked younger. After a couple minutes of heated discussion Shinji was brought in to make the deciding choice. He chose Reka, citing the fact that Reka could actually sing. He was never a fan of digital voice alteration… felt too much like cheating.

"I knew you were a breast man," said Toji glancing at Shinji through the rear view mirror. "Nothing wrong with that."

Shinji blushed and tried to disappear. Hikari unconsciously crossed her arms over her chest. She was a little sensitive about her size.

Most conversations went something like that. Nothing too important. Just passing time.

They made three more stops during that first day. Two to use the restroom, and one for eating. They contemplated taking time to sit down at a restaurant but were discouraged by their somewhat inflexible schedule and the price tags on the menus. Instead they grabbed some fast food from a drive-tru and ate in the car.

Hikari didn't eat much, but no one called her out on it. She'd been quiet for the majority of the ride and it didn't take a genius to tell that she wasn't having a very good time. Every now and then she threw in a word or two to the conversations, but for the most part she kept to herself. She didn't feel as bad as before, but the slight swaying of the bridge still made her nauseous.

After they finished eating Toji suggested that everyone in the back seat try and rest up for the "second shift". He was doing fine driving so far, but he couldn't drive straight through the night. So the three of them in the back seat tried there hardest to get some shut eye. It didn't work out so well.

Hikari felt physically drained but also uncomfortable. There was no good position for her to lean into. It made her wish she had brought a pillow. Asuka found herself in a similar position and eventually gave up on trying to sleep at all. She wasn't particularly tired anyways, so she just stared blankly out the window. Shinji found that the only almost comfortable way to sleep was to lean his head back against the seat and stare up at the roof of the car. This wasn't nearly as awful as he thought it would be, but he had a slightly irrational fear that someone would use this opportunity to look up into his nostrils.

Despite his fears, Shinji was the first to fall asleep. Cars always put him at ease. One moment he's staring at the car upholstery, the next he's out like a light. He slept with his mouth slightly open but did not drool. Hikari sorta wanted to laugh at the sight, but couldn't muster up the energy. She settled for a slight smirk. Asuka saw Hikari's expression and made a face as if to say "What a dork, right?" Seeing that expression made Hikari giggle.

Toji switched lanes and Shinji's head jostled around a little. He nodded unconsciously twice before resting his head on Hikari's shoulder. Hikari (whose eyes were closed) stiffened naturally, but did not try and move away.

"You want me to get him up?" asked Asuka.

Hikari kept her eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. After several seconds without a reply, Asuka reached over to shake Shinji awake, but for some reason stopped. She stared at Hikari with a puzzled expression on her face that no one saw. Finally she decided to just leave them that way.

Hikari was ashamed of herself for being secretly glad.

* * *

An hour passed, and then another.

"Okay," said Toji, out of the blue. "I'm going to pull over at the next rest stop we see. Someone else can drive for a while."

This was not a surprise. Everyone had fair warning that Toji was going to call it quits for a while. And the man had been driving for literally 12 hours straight. Several times Kensuke had offered to take over for him, only to be waved off with a simple dismissal. "I'm still good, man." But no one drives forever. It was time to pass the buck.

Kensuke was nearly biting at the bits to get in the driver seat. Toji suggested that someone from the back seat who was (presumably) more rested should drive, while Kensuke rested up for a later shift. He was thinking practically. But Kensuke insisted. He said he felt wide awake and that he could at least drive a couple of hours before someone else had to take over. Toji mildly protested, but finally gave into his friend.

There was only a mild debate over who would ride shot gun. Both Shinji and Hikari openly sought the position, in order to escape from each other. After Shinji woke up with his head on her shoulder, he had a much harder time looking Hikari in the eye, and thought a little distance from the girl wouldn't be a bad thing. Hikari felt similarly, but for a slightly different reason. In the end Shinji won the position by telling Hikari that "She didn't have to, since she wasn't feeling well". Hikari didn't protest, but this only made her feel worse. Like she was some kind of a burden on the rest of the travellers. Still, she thought it was kind of sweet that he was being so considerate.

Asuka didn't even offer to sit up front with Kensuke. She'd said long before the trip had started, that she had no plans on talking to him. She didn't have much against Kensuke in particular, but she didn't want to strain for conversation to keep the guy awake. It would be a waste of her efforts. And she'd kill him if he said another word about bridges. She wasn't quite ready to let the world know she was capable of murder.

So Kensuke and Shinji took the front seat with a fresh air of optimism. Shinji was glad to leave behind the bag of food that he'd been holding in his lap, and Kensuke was just happy to be doing something useful. Initially the two of them had few words for each other, as they got used to their new positions.

Kensuke was a newer driver with much less experience. He had no car of his own, so most of the time he went on a trip, it was somebody else driving. Really, the only times he had reason to get behind the wheel was when he went on trips to the grocery store for his dad, or wanted to go meet up with Toji somewhere. Even then, he was more likely to take public transportation or just walk.

When Kensuke drove it was a little… squirrely. He tended not to keep a steady pace of his own. Often opting to match the pace of others. When the car in front of Kensuke sped, so did he. When the car in front of him drove slow, he usually did so as well. But he never followed a car he didn't like. No matter how fast a truck was going, Kensuke felt obligated to pass them. And when he did pass by the truck he often slowed down his speed immediately, relieved to be out of what he mentally referred to as "the line of fire". Kensuke didn't particularly like to drive, but he saw the advantages of it all the same. And though he didn't have the control or finesse of someone like Toji, that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

* * *

No more than ten minutes into Kensuke's first driving shift, Toji fell asleep. It was hard to tell whether this was because driving had taken such a toll on him, or simply because he fell asleep easily. Toji would never admit to being tired, at least not from doing something he loved (he was the same way with basketball). Shinji admired that about him and really bought into the tough guy act. Kensuke had his doubts.

Toji wasn't an open book and Kensuke didn't mind that. He liked being able to guess, and he was usually right. Kensuke figured Toji was a little uncomfortable sitting next to Hikari, who had slid into the middle to make room for him. Probably didn't like being so close anymore. And while Kensuke, with his limited dating experience, didn't exactly pity the guy he thought that if the situation arose where the three of them were in the back seat, he would take the middle to spare him.

Kensuke thought a lot about things like that. How to understand people. How to make their lives just a little bit better, even if they didn't care or notice. He wasn't a saint or anything. But he liked to at least look after his friends. He tried to take care of Shinji too, but that was harder.

Shinji always kept to himself. Kensuke could count the number of times he was invited by Shinji to do something together on one finger. He only hung out with Kensuke and Toji when he was explicitly invited. And when he was around, like Toji, he was not an open book. It was much harder to guess what he was thinking. Sometimes Kensuke wondered if he even enjoyed their company, or if he was just being polite. Other times, things would go strangely smooth, like the three of them really belonged together. Even then, Kensuke had a hard time imagining what his quieter friend was really thinking.

But there were certain constants with Shinji, that anyone could tell with a passing glance. Shinji was (for better or worse) enamored with Asuka. Would follow her off a cliff. He didn't like initiating things or making decisions. And he loved music and cooking for other people (not so much himself). Aside from this, Kensuke knew very little about Shinji Ikari as a person.

As a pilot, Kensuke knew absolutely everything there was to know about Shinji. He knew his height and weight from when he was 14 (both of which have changed). He knew the exact number of times he had entered the cockpit of an Evangelion, the number of combat kills he had, and the highest and lowest synchronization ratios he had ever achieved. Kensuke would be a little shocked and annoyed to find out that Shinji himself had forgotten most of this information.

But if Kensuke knew how little information that Shinji knew about him, it would only make him feel depressed.

Neither of them were particularly surprised that things got quiet in the car once everyone else nodded off. Shortly after Toji fell asleep Hikari followed suit. Kensuke saw in the rear view mirror, that she was leaning as close to Asuka as possible without actually touching her. Even in sleep she was going out of her way not to have any contact with Toji. Because of the angle of the mirror, he couldn't tell whether Asuka was asleep or not, but either way she wasn't talking. Aside from the rustling of the wind, and the low volume radio station, the car was silent.

Kensuke knew that if there was going to be conversation, he'd be the one to start it.

"So what do you think of the trip so far?" he asked.

Shinji's brow furrowed slightly at the question. Kensuke found the way he seriously contemplated mundane questions kind of amusing. He never did understand the concept of casual conversation.

"It's been kind of quiet," he said. Shinji liked quiet though.

"Yeah," said Kensuke. "The bridge is amazing, but it's not much of a road trip is it? Sohryu said it herself. It's not a trip to the beach."

"Hmm," said Shinji. He wasn't sure where this conversation was going. He also didn't like the way that Kensuke was looking at him and not the road. Even though there were no cars around, it made him feel a little skittish.

"But that's okay," said Kensuke hurriedly. "I mean I knew that when I decided to come. That's why I wanted to make sure things were as comfortable as possible."

Shinji couldn't help but look down at the bag in his lap and frown.

"You did bring a lot of stuff."

"Yeah," said Kensuke. "So we don't have to stop as often and everyone has anything they need."

"Yeah," said Shinji. "… A lot of stuff."

"You think it's too much?" asked Kensuke.

"Eh, no. It's fine," said Shinji. Kensuke could always tell when Shinji was lying. He didn't even think about it. He just said the most agreeable thing that came to mind.

"It is too much then…" said Kensuke. He sounded kind of disappointed. "I could hold that bag for you if you want."

"That's okay, you're driving."

"Are you sure," asked Kensuke. "I don't mind at all."

"That's okay."

Kensuke sighed. Shinji didn't say or do anything. He instinctively knew that somehow he'd said or done something wrong. He wanted to apologize, but living with Asuka so long had taught him not to without good reason.

"I just wanted to make things easier for you," Kensuke confessed. "I know it's not a good time for you and Sohryu. So, I thought I'd try and help out a bit more."

Shinji had not expected to hear this, but the words, "Thank you" slipped out of his mouth without much thought.

"No," said Kensuke. "I don't want you to thank me. I'm just…" Kensuke awkwardly scratched at his neck. "I'm doing it to thank _you_."

Shinji couldn't help but stare up questioningly at his friend.

"You… you all did a lot for everyone. And I read the reports I mean… I know it wasn't easy and I know you didn't want to. But you piloted anyways. And I know what it cost you. I was too stupid to care back then… but I could see it on your face. It didn't really sink in until I found out how Toji was hurt. And then… when all the records went public and I read about the battles… and what happened to Ayanami… it took me a long time to let it all sink in."

Kensuke took a brief pause and stared at Shinji. Shinji remained silent and tense as the conversation continued. It wasn't something he liked to talk about. Also, he still wished Kensuke would keep his eyes on the road.

"I just want you to know that you did an amazing thing. And it shouldn't be forgotten. I know… it's never been your favorite topic. But I just wanted to say it once. I appreciate what you did. So thank you."

Shinji wasn't really sure what to say. Misato had once said something similar to him, but not so directly, or in so many words. It wasn't nearly as embarrassing as this. But that was one of the things he'd always admired about Kensuke. He wished that he could say the things he felt so openly and honestly to other people, even when it wasn't something the other person necessarily wanted to hear. The prospect scared Shinji a bit, but he thought it was kinda brave.

"You can hold the bag for me, I guess," said Shinji as if by consenting to this he'd be doing Kensuke a favor. "If you really want to, I mean."

Kensuke couldn't help but laugh a little as he took it from his hands.

* * *

The atmosphere grew lazy for Shinji. With Kensuke dutifully driving and everyone in the backseat presumably asleep, he had no real reason to stay aware. He felt a faint responsibility to help Kensuke by "navigating" but there weren't many wrong turns for them to take on a bridge. So he stared out the window and let his mind drift. It was only at times like these that he could comfortably think.

He felt something that he had a hard time putting words to. There was a world out there flashing by him. He was moving through it, but it wasn't passing him by. He was steadily heading forward toward a place he didn't know. But that didn't stop him from looking back.

Behind him sat Asuka. Her eyes were open but she wasn't moving very much. It occurred to him that she'd probably heard all of his awkward conversation with Kensuke. It was a disconcerting thought, but not exactly something he wouldn't expect from her. He wondered what she thought about Kensuke's words of gratitude. They rarely talked about their time as pilots together and he could only guess how she felt about it now.

Somehow all time before third impact felt distant and unreal. Like something he'd heard had happened to someone else. He could recognize that he'd been there and that he'd done those things, but he couldn't remember how it felt. Not consciously anyways. There were dreams sometimes… ones that felt more intense than the real thing, but when he woke up even they faded into distant memories.

Maybe it was because of the pain. Shinji had never been good with it. And he wouldn't put it past himself to block it all out, the good and the bad, if it meant forgetting the pain.

That was a part of it, but there was more to it as well. The simple truth of the matter was that he could no longer connect with his past. He couldn't understand how he felt the way he did before because he was no longer the same the person. Shinji had changed.

For the first time in his life Shinji now had priorities. Things he wanted to gain, keep, and protect. And that had changed him greatly. The things he'd lost were not things he would ever forget. He would always remember his father, the odd calmness of the entry plug, Rei Ayanami's almost smiling face. But those lingering losses couldn't compare to the things he had to live for right here and now.

There was fear of course. There would always be the chance that things went wrong. And as much as he feared it, Shinji accepted that. He would do everything in his power to keep things moving forward, for as long as he could.

The darkness intensified. With fall in full swing the sun was setting earlier and earlier. And Shinji watched on as Kensuke drove forward in silence. It was nice to not have to worry about things, and let someone else take charge. It was the kind of thing that he knew he shouldn't get used to, but really wished he could. So Shinji decided he would take Kensuke up on his offer, and let his friend shoulder the burden for a little while.

Shinji pulled out his SDAT player and lost himself to music. The pop songs still playing on the radio were okay for a little while, but there was nothing like listening to his own tunes. Most of them had somber melodies that fluttered and flowed. None of them were overtly sad in nature, nor incredibly happy. But they each struck a balance between the poles, a struggle for dominance with which he could easily relate. He fell even further from reality in the music's rhythmic sway.

Shinji didn't actually fall asleep, though the thought absently crossed his mind from time to time. He closed his eyes a little at some of the more moving parts of songs, but for the most part he continued to look out the side window and at the road ahead. He was entranced by the passing lights of other cars going in the opposite direction, the glow of the street lights as they passed overhead. As each light was left behind in the distance, it felt less like driving in a car and more like being whisked away. It was kind of nice.

Then he looked up. Saw Kensuke's sagging head from the corner of his eye. Looked out the windshield and his eyes saw the yellow line of the shoulder lane slowly drifting beneath the tires of the car. But his mind saw something different.

He saw his father standing stoically over his mother's grave. Toji's little sister slowly wasting away in a hospital bed. Unit 03 being ripped to pieces in front of him. Misato crying in her room with the door cracked slightly open. Unit 02 decapitated with blood spraying wildly into the air. Kaji pretending to smile while watering melons. Asuka screaming and screaming under a spotlight from heaven. Rei Ayanami… dead and gone. A girl without a grave. Kaworu's head tumbling down.

The car drifted steadily toward the traffic divider.

Shinji grabbed the wheel and screamed.

* * *

**AN: **Okay. You like my stories right? I mean... at least a little bit? And I like that you read my stories. It's a pretty good deal we've got going here. The only problem is that I'm a little bit like an insecure girlfriend when it comes to fiction. Even though things seem to be going okay, I've still got a million questions that I want answered. Questions about your _feelings. _

Does the word count of this chapter make me look fat? Am I boring you with all these scenes? You don't flatter me like you did when I posted the first chapter. Where do you see this thing going? Do even want to read until the end or am I just wasting my time? My characterization hasn't changed, you're the one that's changed! Why don't you look at me during?

Seriously though, I do wonder how I'm doing here. If you can tell me how this chapter stacks up to the first one, that'd be great. I'd also like to know if there's anything in this chapter that you didn't like, or that you found boring. The more specific you are, the better I can be at improving my writing, and the better stories you get to read in return (in theory). So let me know what you like, and what you don't.

Help me help you. We're in this thing together... Snookums.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **First off, thanks for your responses to the last chapter. Some of you had some good constructive criticism, and the general positive vibes must mean I'm doing some things right. I'll keep trying to work to improve my stories if you all keep reading (and probably if you don't). I promise not to be a whiny little girl anymore.

Note: To anyone who read the author's notes at the bottom and thought this chapter was the end of the story, sorry for the confusion. There are more chapters to come.

**From Point A**

**Chapter 3**

Shinji screamed loudly and jerked hard on the steering wheel. The car which had been previously drifting into the right shoulder lane, took a drastic shift toward the opposite side. Everyone sleeping in the car woke up violently. This included Kensuke, who joined Shinji in his screams and slammed hard on the breaks.

Shinji didn't think. He couldn't. He continued to yell, even after the car jerked to a stop. His arms moved on autopilot and he found himself striking Kensuke repeatedly with his fists.

"You killed them!" he yelled over and over. "You killed them, you bastard, you killed them!"

Kensuke curled instinctively into a ball and tried to keep his foot on the break peddle as he endured Shinji's blows. The only thing that saved him from taking any serious damage was the fact that Shinji didn't have enough presence of mind to unbuckle his seat belt and attack him with full power.

"I'm sorry," said Kensuke, but Shinji wasn't even listening. He just continued to hit him as he channeled the blame for years' worth of tragedy into a single incident.

It took the three in the back seat much longer to comprehend what was happening. The scene before them was surreal and unexpected. Asuka was the first to fully grasp the situation. Yet she was stunned into silence. The sight of Shinji so vicious and out of control was foreign and even a little bit frightening. But when comprehension struck Toji, he instantly jumped into action.

"Get off him!" he said to Shinji. "That's enough!"

When Shinji didn't listen Toji, opened the door to the car (without checking for traffic) and circled around to the passenger seat. He yanked open the door and grabbed two fists full of Shinji's shirt, which he used to pull him out of the car.

Shinji screamed at the surprise and even went so far as to take a swing at Toji, which he barely managed to block. Toji grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and pinned him against the car.

"That's enough, Shinji," he said in a low but clear voice.

Shinji still looked angry, but he realized he wasn't going anywhere. Toji had him completely secured. Slowly but surely the shapeless horrors he'd been attacking morphed into the image of his friend.

Toji let him go and said, "It's alright, man. No one got hurt."

Shinji's eyes filled with tears. He latched onto Toji and wept.

* * *

From inside the car, Asuka saw the awkward, almost angry, look on Toji's face as he was embraced by Shinji. She watched him struggle for several seconds to dislodge him, before finally relenting and accepting the situation. A minute or so later, Shinji calmed down enough to be embarrassed by his actions. He pulled away from Toji awkwardly and looked down at the ground. Instead of getting back in the car, as Asuka expected, the two of them walked over to the shoulder lane and began to talk. Asuka could not read their lips in darkness.

"Aiada," she said, without looking away from Toji and Shinji. "Pull over to the side of the road."

Kensuke rubbed at his left arm, which had suffered the brunt of Shinji's attack, and stared blankly out the window.

"Aiada!" said Asuka. This time she drew his attention. "We're in the middle of the road holding up traffic. Pull over to the side."

"Okay," said Kensuke softly. With some hesitance, he rearranged himself in his seat and put the car in drive. In a painfully slow manner, he moved the car to the side of the road, parking about ten feet from where Toji and Shinji stood talking.

Asuka clicked her tongue. This position made it even harder to observe their conversation. She would have to turn around completely in her seat to do so.

"You're useless," she said quietly, but not quiet enough to go unheard. She felt no satisfaction as Kensuke hung his head and she completely ignored Hikari's disapproving stare.

* * *

The roadside conversation ended in a matter of minutes. It consisted largely of Toji talking a lot, and Shinji nodding occasionally and saying a few words without meeting his eyes. When they were done, the two made their way over to the car, with Toji in the lead.

When Toji opened the driver side door, Kensuke began to apologize profusely. _He was sorry. He didn't mean it. It was an accident._

Toji said, "Alright, just get in the back man." Kensuke complied.

Shinji sat rigidly in the front seat, staring out at the open road. He maintained this awkward position as Toji began to drive. For a while, no one said a word.

Everyone was a little on edge after the near accident. Kensuke would not look at anyone, and continued to stare out the window, silently hating himself for his actions. Hikari felt bad for him. She couldn't deny that he'd been careless, but after Shinji's beating and Asuka's harsh words, it was impossible for her to feel any anger toward him.

Asuka on the other hand, held Kensuke fully responsible, but she'd already spoken her mind on the matter. Intellectually she understood that Shinji's action of carelessly jerking the wheel had been much more dangerous than Kensuke's drifting. If there had been a car in the other lane, he would have caused a much greater accident than simply brushing against the guard rails. But if Kensuke had simply stayed awake to begin with, nothing like this would have happened.

Nobody really knew what Shinji was thinking now. He just stared straight ahead out the windshield, sitting stiffly in his seat. The expression on his face was tighter than normal and his eyes were a little red. No one really had the desire to ask how he was doing, or tell him to calm down. It was a rare experience to see him so visibly focused. They were all hoping his bad funk would go away with time.

But the simple passage of time did not cure the tense atmosphere of the car. No one was talking and no one seemed particularly relaxed. And while the mood didn't exactly make Hikari feel any sicker than she already did, it wasn't helping her either. She felt bad about the whole situation.

"I wonder why the radio station hadn't cut out yet?" she asked, referencing the cheery pop music playing in the background. No one immediately responded, though she did get several looks. It was a start. "It usually cuts out after a few hours of driving, so I just wondered how we're able to listen to the same station all the way down here." When no one said anything she added, "Kensuke, do you know?"

Kensuke raised his head from his self-enforced banishment and looked at Hikari hesitantly. Of course he knew why the radio stations hadn't changed. "The same stations are broadcasted all along the bridge." He said plainly. It felt odd to everyone that his answer was so short.

"Well," said Hikari, "Do they need a lot of radio towers for that?"

"Yeah," said Kensuke. He recognized what Hikari was trying to do but he didn't think he deserved it.

Still she was not easily deterred. "I wonder how many stations they broadcast then." Kensuke didn't say anything in response so she added, "Probably not that many, I'm sure."

If there was one thing that would goad Kensuke into speaking it was an insult on the things he loved. Even though Hikari's words were harmless at surface, there was a hidden message there. "The bridge couldn't possibly broadcast multiple stations _and_ maintain them all throughout the whole length". Even in his dejected state, Kensuke could not let such a statement go unchecked.

"They broadcast a total of 50 HD radio stations," said Kensuke quietly.

"Really?" asked Hikari. She seemed almost genuinely interested.

"Yeah," said Kensuke. "That's more than most major cities, and it's one of the largest broadcast range for any commercial radio signal."

"I never would have thought that," said Hikari.

"Yeah, it's not well known," said Kensuke tentatively. Almost as if testing his right to speak. "It requires more than 40 radio towers to broadcast across the bridge."

"That's interesting," said Hikari and she favored Kensuke with a smile, signifying the end of the conversation.

Kensuke spent some time looking at her before turning back out the window. The silence settled in to take the place of their conversation, but it felt a lot less stifling.

* * *

Toji drove his car as steadily as ever. He maintained a constant speed, and passed vehicles only when safe and necessary. Shinji took note of this and tried to convince himself that there was no longer any reason to feel anxious.

He trusted Toji's driving, in a way that he never had (and now never would) trusted Kensuke's. But every time Toji passed a car, he felt his jaws clench together. He pushed invisible breaks with his feet, and found himself double checking the mirrors when Toji merged into a lane. He hated himself for this, because he knew there was nothing to worry about.

But he did worry. Not just about Toji's driving, but about the other cars as well. If a vehicle drove next to them, or came anywhere close to the car, he held his breath unconsciously. His hands were curled tightly into fists. He could feel his nails digging into his skin. He sat like this for a little less than an hour before taking action.

"Toji," he said, drawing everyone's attention. "Can I drive?"

Toji merely grunted, and gave the question some thought.

"You sure you got enough sleep earlier?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Shinji, in a way that didn't seem like Shinji at all. His answer was firm. He was completely certain.

"Alright," said Toji, while nodding. "I'll pull over then."

They pulled into a gas station about ten miles down the road. Asuka bought a can of milk tea as well as a bottle of ginger ale which she gave to Hikari.

Shinji took over behind the wheel. Toji was about to take his place when Asuka said, "I'll sit up front."

* * *

Shinji drove right at the speed limit. Not above it or below it. Just as fast as he legally could. He went to great lengths to maintain this constant velocity, including speeding up perfectly when he hit an upward slope and slowing down proportionally when he hit a hill. It was an exercise in control, but not one without purpose.

Instinctively, he understood that people hate drivers who go too slow. He could not count the number of times he'd heard Misato curse and yell something along the lines of "You could at least go the speed limit!" It didn't matter how close to speed the car actually was, if they were driving under the limit, people got angry.

But Shinji did not want to go above the limit. He felt that such limits were put into place for a reason. The only reason anyone ever went faster was to get to their destination quicker. And while Shinji recognized the potential gain, he felt they were outweighed by the risks.

So Shinji toed the line. Drove just fast enough to be tolerated, and always slow enough to be safe. Did people thank him for this? No. Did they hate it? Not really. It was something he decided for himself and that was all there was to it.

Shinji used his blinkers, even when no one was around to see them. He drove about 6 car lengths behind other cars, no matter what the situation. He never consciously ran a red light or stop sign in his life. He knows which car should go first in an intersection without stop signs. He was the very definition of a textbook driver.

Misato once implied that Shinji only drove that way because he was a new driver. She claimed he would "lighten up" once he was more confident in his skills. Asuka disregarded that notion. She was sure he would always drive like someone's grandmother who just recovered from a coma. If anyone had bothered to ask, Shinji would reluctantly admit that Asuka was much closer to the truth.

Being in his first car accident did not change the way that Shinji drove. It only changed how comfortable he felt doing it.

He tried to relax. Because that's what the driver instructor in the driver's education course he took said to do. Stay calm, relaxed, and alert. He managed at least to control his breathing: in and out at regular intervals. He could not, however, control his hands. He recognized that they were clutching the steering wheel much too hard. But every time he attempted to loosen them, he felt himself loose focus on his breathing. When his breathing left, his whole composure crumbled and he wanted nothing more than to be at home with Misato and Pen Pen where he knew there was no danger of barreling into the highway overpass.

So he tightened up on his grip and continued to breathe. He stayed in the far right lane to allow faster traffic to pass, sometimes moving over to the middle to avoid cars entering from an onramp. While checking his mirrors for oncoming traffic (a ritual performed at least once a minute), Shinji observed the passengers in the backseat nodding off and falling asleep one-by-one.

He took note of the general state of quiet in the car, but was somewhat surprised by Asuka's lack of chatter. It wasn't that she needed to talk every chance she got, but it was rare for her to be quiet for so long. It occurred to him that she hadn't said a single word to anyone since she took the front seat.

He could understand that. After what they'd been through recently, maybe that was natural. And though he understood (with no small level of shame) that he had taken the accident harder than anyone else in the car, he wondered if maybe he wasn't the only one a little shaken by the ordeal.

"Hey Asuka," said Shinji quietly. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That's annoying," said Asuka. "Don't ask to say something, just say it."

Shinji nodded and took a moment to compose his thoughts. After several moments of deliberation he asked, "Are you afraid of dying?"

Asuka snorted, but when she answered her tone was soft. "Everybody dies Shinji. That's not something to be afraid of."

Shinji frowned deeply at this response. He briefly considered throwing it back at her by mentioning that she didn't actually answer his question. But he decided against that. He wasn't looking for a fight. He just wanted to talk a little. However blunt her words were, he could tell there was no mocking in them. He decided to take a risk.

"I'm afraid," he confessed.

Asuka sighed. "It's stupid to be afraid of something you can't change."

"I know," said Shinji frowning. He was beginning to think that bringing this up was a mistake. He felt like he wasn't quite getting his point across. Or maybe he was looking for something that she was incapable of giving. A small self-depreciative smile appeared on his face as he imagined her promising him that nothing bad would happen, no one would ever get hurt, and everyone would live forever.

"Do you know how my father died?" asked Asuka as if inquiring about the weather. "He fell in the shower."

Shinji briefly turned his attention from the road to look at her. "Really?" he asked. But he could tell by her expression that she was telling the truth.

"He wasn't a bad man by most standards," said Asuka. "The most scandalous thing he ever did was have an affair with a woman. And he ended up marrying her. He earned all his money through a combination of nepotism and moderate business sense. Stayed away from shady practices, and always paid his taxes. He sent me presents on Christmas and my birthday and never did anything to make anyone particularly love him or hate him. And guess what?" she asked. "No one ever did."

Shinji was no stranger to daddy issues, but even he felt there was something wrong with her analysis. It was far too cold and distant. Maybe there were times when he hated his father, but he could never imagine treating him with such disregard.

Asuka stared at him unflinchingly and said. "My father lived a boring life and he died a boring death. You can guess which one I'm more afraid of."

Shinji kept quiet. He had no way to respond to something like that. Asuka wasn't mocking him and that made things even worse. He realized that he was wrong to look to her for any kind of comfort. He smiled, because it was all he knew how to do.

"You're always like that," he said.

"What did you expect?" said Asuka looking out the window. "You already knew you were being stupid or you wouldn't have asked." And then she let out a sigh.

They drove on in silence for a while. Shinji returned his full attention to the road, and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. His eyelids felt like falling, but he knew for a fact they would not. He could drive until morning, if he needed to. But knowing that no longer gave him any relief.

"Pull over Shinji," said Asuka quietly.

Shinji asked, "Why?"

"I want to drive."

Shinji's eyes widened almost imperceptibly. He was more than a little offended. "I'm not going to fall asleep," he said.

"That's nice," said Asuka. "I want to drive."

_Now_ she was mocking him. Shinji grit his teeth and continued to stare out at the road.

"Just pull over," said Asuka.

After moments of silence Shinji asked, "Right here?"

Asuka's cold stare answered for her. Shinji stubbornly drove another half mile before parking the car on the side of the road. After checking the road for traffic three times, Shinji got out of the car and walked around to the passenger's side. Asuka slid over the arm rest and took his old seat. When Shinji got in and closed the door, she wordlessly began to drive.

Asuka drove at a much faster pace than Shinji. There was an expression of tangible fear on his face as she initially accelerated. Once she got up to speed, he was able to calm down a little, but not much. He watched the road like a hawk, waiting for any potential obstacle that might spring up in front of them.

Asuka kept quiet as she drove. She watched Shinji occasionally from the corner of her eye. She saw him sitting bolt right in his seat, dreading some tragedy that would not come.

"Go to sleep already," she mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.

"But, I have to navigate," Shinji protested.

"Yeah, well you're making me nervous sitting like that."

"Sorry," said Shinji and he finally leaned back in his seat.

"There's nothing to navigate you know. It's a straight bridge. There won't be any twist and turns until we hit China."

"I know," said Shinji.

"So go to sleep," Asuka's voice was surprising soft. "You can navigate later."

"Alright," said Shinji. But he didn't sound reassured. Reluctantly he turned his head to face out toward the window, but kept his eyes slightly open. He no longer had the will to keep them wide and alert. He tried to calm himself by watching the street lights pass by alongside them.

Asuka was silent for at first, but after a while she turned up the radio. She hummed along to snippets of songs, when the mood struck her fancy. Shinji listened to this quietly with some small fascination. He realized that Asuka really wasn't afraid of anything. And he thought, if someone as smart as Asuka would not be afraid, then maybe there was nothing to be afraid of to begin with. He closed his eyes.

When she saw his face in the reflection of the passenger side window, Asuka smiled.

"Get some rest, Shinji," she said, "The world will be here in the morning."

* * *

Asuka drove on through the night with little interruptions. Occasionally she changed the radio station to avoid hearing the same songs over again. She was particularly interested in the Chinese stations, which she had never heard before. Despite the language barrier, they were mostly the same as their Japanese counterparts, a fact which she did not mind. Even though they had the same feel to them, the songs were different enough to keep her from being too bored.

Hikari briefly woke up in the middle of the night. She asked where they were, took a few sips of the now warm ginger ale, and went to sleep shortly afterwards. Other than this brief interruption, Asuka was the only one awake before the sun rose in the sky. About an hour after sunrise, Kensuke woke up and wordlessly took note of their situation. He was curious about how far they'd driven, but he refrained from asking Asuka any questions. Instead he figured out where they were by looking at mile markers along the road. They had yet to leave the bridge.

Hikari, who was a light sleeper, woke up shortly afterwards, since she'd felt Kensuke moving beside her. She was a little too tired to care where they were or what they were doing and honestly she just didn't feel very well. She wanted to go back to sleep, but the sun shining in her face refused her that luxury. So she sat there with a slightly pained expression, barely baring the cruelty of consciousness.

Toji woke an hour and a half later with a yawn and a stretch that invaded Kensuke's personal space to the point where he found himself squished squarely against Hikari for several awkward seconds. He apologized quietly, but Hikari did not respond. Either she didn't notice his words, or she didn't care. He decided it was probably the former of the two. He was wrong.

The first words out of Toji's mouth upon waking were, "Where are we?" followed immediately by, "I'm starving."

* * *

The restaurant where they stopped was something of a rarity in Eastern countries like Japan. It was a western style waffle house, the likes of which littered the southern parts of the United States. No one in the car was aware of this fact, but they did realize the restaurant was an odd one. Immediately upon entering, they took note of the way their shoes stuck to the syrup soaked floor. The overpowering sent of frying batter and old rancid coffee filled their nostrils. And were it not for the incredibly cheap prices written on the whiteboard hanging from the wall, they probably would have bolted on the spot.

"Good morning!" said the middle-aged lady standing behind an open grill. She was speaking in English. Her greeting did not interfere with the task of cooking, as she managed to simultaneously stir a batch of waffle batter and scramble a large portion of eggs. She smiled at the group's relative confusion and said in Japanese, "You can take a seat wherever you like and look at the menu. Saya will be out in a second to take your order."

"Thanks," said Toji, but he was clearly distracted.

The group sat down at a table in the corner of the room and looked through the menu. Most of them were somewhat familiar with this brand of western style breakfast food, so they more or less knew what to order. Toji was impressed by the portions of food offered for such relatively low prices. He barely read the words "Deluxe Mega Breakfast Meal" before folding up his menu and declaring that he knew exactly what he wanted.

The waitress came around shortly to take their orders. She was a cute girl, by most standards, with a soft-featured round shaped face. She seemed to be just a little bit taller than Hikari, but not quite as tall as Asuka, whose height almost perfectly matched Shinji's. Her smile as she approached drew everyone's eyes and kept them.

"Good morning," she said. Her voice was deeper than anyone expected, yet still quite feminine. "Nice whether we're having, huh?" As soon as she said that Toji was one hundred percent certain that he liked her. Something about her friendly sarcasm rubbed him exactly the right way and any doubts he had had about choosing this establishment were completely washed away.

"Well it's been a pretty rough trip," he said. "But coming here and seeing such a beautiful face makes it all worth it."

This remark earned a bit of a blush from the waitress. Toji had never exactly learned to be charming or anything of the sort. But with much practice and rejection, he'd learned that a straightforward approach was the only way for him to go. He found that this tactic had the effect of either instantly turning a woman off, or making them somewhat interested. And no matter what reaction he got, he preferred it infinitely to that feeling of uncertainty that he suffered through in his early teen years. He still remembered how long it took to admit that he liked Hikari, and he can only look back on those days as wasted time.

Not being privy to this information, everyone else around the table thought he was a bit of a skirt chasing prick. But if the waitress was upset by his forwardness, she hid it incredibly well.

"Glad to hear it," she said. "Can I start you off with some drinks, or are you all ready to order?"

They gave the waitress their orders and she collected their menus from them. When Toji went to hand the waitress his menu, Asuka grabbed it from his hands. She took a napkin and began to wipe at the surface with a look of disgust on her face. At the waitresses confused look she smiled and handed her the menu.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Just had to clean off the dog slobber first. I swear we can't take him anywhere."

The waitress laughed openly and put a hand to her chest. Toji shrunk back slightly in his seat until he heard her say, "That's alright. I think dogs are cute."

She told them all that their food would be ready soon and left the table chuckling.

"Not cool, Sohryu," said Toji quietly. Shinji and Kensuke laughed. Hikari did not.

The waitress came back with their food and they all took their time eating. It was a heavy meal, but it was delicious. They all left the restaurant feeling relatively full and happy.

When Asuka flipped over the receipt from the waitress, she found a phone number listed there. She took one brief look at Hikari, before throwing it in the trash.

* * *

They drove on quietly for another half hour or so. No one was really in the mood to talk, since they were all basking in the syrupy afterglow of their meal. Hikari was the only one not sharing in this contentment, as her stomach was still finding any amount of food to be unagreeable. But everyone else in the car was feeling relatively fat and happy. There was only one small thing that was breaking the mood.

"Okay, what is that god awful smell?"Asuka asked.

Toji said, "Probably your upper lip." The fact that she was driving was the only thing that stopped Asuka from dropping an elbow on his forehead.

"Seriously, it smells like somebody took a bath in spoiled milk and laid out in the sun all day."

"I would say molded cheese left in the refrigerator for a year," said Kensuke.

"How very clever," commented Asuka, "You used a different dairy product in your analogy. And you thought of it all on your own too."

That shut Kensuke up for a little while.

"I don't smell nothing," said Toji.

"Really?" asked Shinji. "It's… kinda bad."

"It's _rancid_," said Asuka.

Hikari clutched slightly at her churning stomach. Whatever the smell was, she was getting a full blast of it. Given the situation, her expression was almost comically pained.

"You're all crazy," said Toji.

Asuka scoffed. "You probably can't smell it because it's coming from you."

"Blow it out your ass, Sohryu."

"Smells like you beat me to it."

Of course, the smell was coming from Toji, as Asuka suspected. Specifically from his feet. When Toji did not shower for over twenty-four hours, the resulting BO was nothing short of offensive. Toji himself was only loosely aware of this. There was a period of time when he was younger that he could not walk into a room without his sister grabbing at her nose and gasping for air. And though he pretended that this action made him angry and threatened to "tickle her to death", he was quick to catch the not so subtle hint, and began to bathe much more frequently. It had been years since someone had called him out on his body odor, and in all honesty he'd forgotten how much he could stink. So it was nearly impossible to convince him he was the cause of such a foul smell, but that didn't stop Asuka from trying.

"Thank god, there's a rest stop with a shower up ahead," said Asuka. "We can wash of his stench."

Kensuke couldn't stop himself from adding, "It's almost as if she doesn't appreciate the fragrance of 'Eau de Suzahara'."

Asuka snorted. "I just hope they have some matches. I think we'll need to burn the car interior to get rid of it."

"I guess it's an acquired smell."

"You guys are friggin' hilarious," said Toji. But he didn't sound like he meant it.

* * *

The woman's bathroom at the rest stop was quite spacious. There were a total of ten stalls lined up with ten sinks installed on the opposite wall. In another section of the room, connected by a wide doorway there were five shower heads arrayed in a circular pattern, with a curtain surrounding each one for privacy's sake. Every surface in the bathroom, from the countertops, to the toilet seats, were cleaned to perfection. There were flower pots hanging from the overhead lights, a section with a 360 degree mirror, and even a couch to sit on while waiting for friends to finish their business.

Though it was the nicest bathroom Hikari had ever seen, she still felt miserable taking a shower there. That's one of the few things that never changed for her since middle school. She absolutely hated public showers.

There was a dignified way to go about these things. She was sure, because she'd seen other women do it. Asuka for example, undressed in a stall, wrapped a towel around herself, placed her clothes in a nearby storage bin, and hopped into the shower. She did these things on autopilot as if they were natural. Even daring to strike up conversation with Hikari while doing so. Talking about idle things like the bathroom decor.

Hikari followed her example as best she could, but any observer could see her discomfort. And maybe that was the problem. Hikari was so sure that there _was_ an observer noticing her discomfort that it made her anxious. As she undress she found herself unconsciously looking up at top of the stall walls to make sure no one was looking down at her. She triple checked the knot she tied into the towel around her body, and felt the need to hold onto it tightly during the brief trip from the stall to the shower. She felt like hiding when Asuka even looked at her while wearing the towel and it was only the fact that she was holding so tightly to that knot that stopped her from wrapping her arms protectively around her chest.

When she finally made it to the shower, she found no real relief. The curtain had a habit of opening ever so slightly when a stray jet of water beat against it. And the heat of the shower (she could not find a temperature between scolding hot and arctic chill) made her feel lightheaded, as if she could pass out at any moment. It occurred to her for the first time that she might be dehydrated.

"I was skeptical of this place at first, but this is pretty nice," said Asuka.

"Hmm," Hikari responded. She didn't feel like broadcasting her unease.

"I thought we might have to rent out a hotel room for an hour to get a decent shower, but this saves us a lot of money. Between this and the cheap breakfast we had, I may have actually saved some money driving to Beijing instead of flying all the way."

Hikari couldn't help but frown at the mention of the little diner, but once again she didn't interrupt. When Asuka grew introspective like this, it usually meant she was leading into something. Hikari instinctively knew that she just had to wait until she got there.

"It wasn't the cleanest place, but their breakfast food was better than anything I've had in Japan. If I didn't have to watch Suzahara sniffing up the waitress's skirt, the meal wouldn't have been half bad."

That's where it was going. Asuka wouldn't just let something like that go. Pointing out the perversion of men had always been an amusing pastime of hers. Hikari only wished that she had chosen a different subject to ridicule. She had no desire to discuss Toji with Asuka or anyone else for that matter. Even so, she found herself defending him against her will.

"He doesn't mean anything by it… he's just being honest."

"Oh come on, Hikari!" said Asuka in her 'I can't believe you could possibly disagree with me' tone. Hikari wasn't sure if Asuka knew how much that grated on her nerves. "The boy's tongue was practically hanging out of his mouth. Let's just a call a dog a dog and be done with it."

For a moment Hikari was silent. Her head was stuffy and she briefly felt as if she'd lose her balance. But her mind remained on the conversation at hand and when she spoke again her voice was small, yet resolute.

"Toji isn't like that at all," she said. "If he's rude, it's only because he'd rather be honest than polite. I know he's rough around the edges, but… he's the most caring person I know." Hikari closed her eyes and tried to focus on what to say next, but the right words just wouldn't come. In the end she finished her statement with an almost desperate plea. "So just… don't go there. Okay?"

There was silence for several moments as the two continued to clean themselves. Hikari thought she had finally gained a reprieve from the conversation, until Asuka spoke again.

"What happened to you two?" she asked quietly.

For a moment Hikari did not respond. Then suddenly without really thinking she said, "Life happened."

* * *

Toji and Hikari's relationship was defined by hospitals.

It was when Toji was injured while piloting that they truly came together. Hikari hated the sight of him injured. Could barely stand to look at what was left of his arm or his leg because every time she did she was forced to realize that he was in pain and there was nothing she could do about it. But she forced herself to come to the hospital everyday she could. She forced herself to see his wounds but not see them. She brought him food, sometimes held his hand, and smiled as if nothing was wrong because she wanted to be strong for him.

But more often than not it was Toji who tried to protect her. He made light of the physical pain he was in. Constantly cracking jokes about hospital food and the somewhat attractive nurse who refused to give him a sponge bath. Many times he wondered aloud if missing an arm and a leg was a good enough reason to skip homework or not. Hikari played her part by smacking him lightly and telling him that as long as his writing hand was intact, he'd do every last piece of make-up work she had for him.

Days passed like this. They spent hours alone together, each trying to be strong for the other, looking forward to a day when they felt as confident about the future as they tried to make each other believe. Hikari cried over Toji sometimes. The injustice of it all. The fact that he'd been robbed of his health, and in moments of weakness the reality that she would have to take care of him in such a pitiful state. But she never considered leaving his side. The thought did not cross her mind.

Only when the doctors mentioned the possibility of experimental prosthetics did Hikari began to feel any real hope for their mutual happiness. She wasn't miserable taking care of Toji the way he was, but she knew realistically that his accident would be an extra burden on the relationship. She thought that maybe it was something she could get used to over time, but the thought of spending the rest of her life with an injured man scared her to some degree. And yes, by that time she had already begun to have flighty fantasies of marriage. She usually dismissed them as silly, but she thought about it all the same. The prospect of prosthetics put a new spin on her dreams. Instead of caring for a man who would spend most of his life confined to a wheel chair, Toji would be able to care for himself. And though sometimes she felt selfish for thinking this way, she could see the hope clearly defined on his face when the idea was suggested.

Third Impact completely eliminated the need for the prosthetics. When Toji emerged from the red sea of humanity his limbs were perfectly intact. When Hikari came back several months later she wept with joy at seeing him.

The doctors and theorists said it had something to do with Toji's mental image of himself. Those who returned from the sea were reconstructed as humans based on the image they held within their consciousness. Since Toji's accident was relatively fresh, his mental image of himself was not an invalid missing an arm and a leg, but a person with all his limbs fully attached. He had never truly accepted his fate, and that is what saved him in the end.

Or so their explanation went. Hikari didn't care about that. She saw the event as nothing short of a miracle. But if Third Impact was a miracle, it came at a great cost.

Hikari's father was not at their home when she returned from the red sea. Neither was her little sister Nozomi. Only her older sister Kodama remained and she looked at Hikari as if she was both a ghost of the past and her only salvation. Their home was quiet and tense and neither one of them exactly knew why. They still cared for each other. There was no lack of love or affection in either of them. But Hikari could see that every time she looked into her older sister's eyes, she saw little Nozomi and her father. Those brief glimpses of what they lost, hurt more than either of them was willing to admit.

It was a bit of a relief when Kodama went off to college. She went to a school far up north, as far away from Tokyo as she could get. Kodama claimed to feel guilty about leaving Hikari alone and even offered to go to Tokyo-2 University instead, but Hikari would not hear of it. Kodama had always been itching to leave the nest and she wasn't going to be the one to stop her. And so she left, leaving Hikari alone.

Still, Hikari didn't feel alone. Not as long as she had Toji.

But she didn't have Toji. Not as much as she wanted. Not completely. And there was no one really to blame for that. The Third Impact had not been as kind to Mari Suzahara as it had been to Toji. Just as Toji saw himself as a complete person, Mari saw herself slowly wasting away. When she came back from the red sea, her condition had worsened significantly.

There was nothing the doctors could do, as the sickness she suffered from had no physical symptoms. Everyday Mari grew weaker and weaker. No one had the heart to tell her that it was the result of her own self-image. Toji's father and the doctors agreed to make up a sickness for her sake. They told her she had cancer. She didn't bat an eye at this explanation.

If there was any joy in Mari Suzahara's last few months of life it was the time she spent with her brother. The two had always been close since she was only three years younger. They spent most of their time in each other's company as their father was almost always at work. So it was natural that she wanted him by her side.

Hikari understood this and tried to compromise. She came along with Toji when he visited Mari and tried her best to stay cheerful for the girl. Mari thanked her for coming and tried to smile back, but Hikari could easily see the effort in it. The girl did not want her last days spent with a stranger. She wanted her brother to herself.

And that was all there was to it. Hikari couldn't blame Toji for wanting to spend time with his sister, any more than she could blame a dying girl for wanting to spend time with her brother. But that didn't stop it from hurting. Because Hikari was lonely too. She was grieving her own losses. She was not cruel enough to make Toji choose between them, so she made the choice for him.

Maybe it was selfish of her, but she could only think in the terms of all or nothing. If Toji couldn't dedicate himself to her the way she had when he was injured, then she didn't want him at all.

* * *

"Don't drop the soap," said Toji seriously. "We all know what'll happen."

Toji was referring to the Chinese man sitting on a bench near the showers. There was nothing particularly dangerous about this man save for the fact that he was old, naked, had the biggest dong that any of them had ever seen, and was making absolutely no effort to hide it.

They really shouldn't have been surprised. There's one in every locker room.

"Maybe…" said Kensuke tentatively. "Maybe he'd be gentle."

"Ugh..." Shinji shuddered.

"Come on Ken, did you see the size of that thing?"

"I can't _stop_ seeing it!" said Kensuke.

"He'd tear you to pieces."

"This is really… really wrong," said Shinji.

"Well if you're lucky," said Toji thoughtfully, "he might not be able to get it up. Not because he's old or anything… just because of the sheer weight of that thing…"

Kensuke gave this some thought before stating, "It does seem physically impossible."

"This whole conversation… " said Shinji shaking his head. "…Just plain wrong."

"Right, he'd probably just smack you around with it, a bit."

Shinji couldn't help but take the bait, "_Why would he do that_?"

"I don't know," said Toji, "to assert his dominance or something."

"Certain species of primates do engage in sexual intercourse with other males in order to-"

"Nobody cares about your gay monkey's Ken, give it a rest."

"But Shinji hasn't heard it yet!" cried Kensuke.

"I'll pass."

Something about the way Shinji said that effectively ended the conversation. He hadn't meant to sound cold or uncaring to Kensuke. He was actually making a conscious effort _not_ to appear that way. Because even though he'd been mad at his friend (and rightfully so, he felt) he knew he couldn't hold it against him forever. Especially considering the way he freaked out on him like that. When he caught a slight glimpse of Kensuke's downtrodden face from the corner of his eye, he felt a little guilty.

The reason he could see Kensuke's face while showering and the reason why overgrown old man genitals were clearly on display were one and the same: men's bathrooms suck. There were no decorations, no dividers between the urinals, no curtains for the showers, and no comfy couch to sit on. There was however, lots of water on the floor, paper towels stuffed in a sink, a backed up toilet (with a stench that could knock a man unconscious), and body hair in every drain. It was all a little nasty, but everyone was used to it.

What the three of them weren't used to was the tension between them. It felt wrong on many levels.

"Well," said Toji breaking the silence. "I think I'll be taking my leave while my rectal virginity is still intact."

Even Kensuke made a face at that one, but Toji wasn't the type to back down from vulgarity for anyone's sake. He grabbed his towel from a nearby bench, the dried off and dressed quickly. As he exited the bathroom he called out to the old naked guy (who for reasons unknown still was not dressed) and said, "Please take care of my friends for me, would ya?"

The old man smiled briefly, then frowned slightly in confusion. He did not speak Japanese, but Kensuke and Shinji had no way of knowing this. And so, they cringed in unison at the man's smile, and each hastened their self-washing. Less than two minutes after Toji had left, Kensuke was dressed and ready to go. But he stayed behind and waited for Shinji, much to the former pilot's relief.

When Shinji was finally dressed, he stood up and was greeted by the site of Kensuke bowing to him all the way to the floor.

"I'm sorry that I fell asleep at the wheel," said Kensuke his voice straining.

"Kensuke… you don't have to-"

"Please forgive my recklessness."

"Ah… it was an accident… it's not really anyone's fault so…" Shinji couldn't help but embarrassedly glance back at the old Chinese man who looked even more confused than before. "I forgive you okay… just stand up please."

Kensuke did as he told and he did so with a nervous smile.

"Thanks… I mean… I'll never let it happen again," he said scratching awkwardly at his neck. Shinji wished he was somewhere else, but was also glad to get this out of the way. "And don't worry about hitting me… I deserved it."

"I guess…" said Shinji quietly. "Toji told me that if I hadn't hit you, he would have done it himself."

Kensuke winced a bit at his bluntness before shrugging. "Yeah… he told me the same thing."

"Hmm," said Shinji without much thought. He made a move toward the exit. Kensuke followed suit.

When they exited the bathroom Toji sadly told them that it was not their fault in any way, that their dressing sexy was no excuse for what was done to them, and that it was okay for them to cry. Kensuke rolled his eyes. Shinji tried to pretend as if he couldn't hear him.

Normality was restored.

* * *

They still had to wait fifteen minutes for the girls to get out of the bathroom.

* * *

**AN: **First off, either my experiences as a teenager (and indeed a young adult) are unusual, or it's very normal for teenage boys to speak vulgarly among themselves. And yes, I am sad to admit that I still find humor in this type of sophomoric jokes. Hopefully it's more funny than offensive... if not... oh well.

Also I want to explain a bit about my model of Third impact knowing full well that any misunderstandings you may have are a sign of failure on my own part. Well actually I'm not going to explain much of anything. Just that my theories on Third impact in this story are more or less borrowed from When She Smiles and expanded upon/shifted to fit this story's needs. Yet I kind of feel like I explained it poorly in both places... if anybody really wants an in-depth explanation (which probably won't enhance your enjoyment of this story at all) please let me know and I'll post one in the author's note of the next chapter when I feel less lazy. But you have to let me know what part actually confuses you.

Also, Also - I don't know if this is a good stopping point (**For the Chapter)** or not. But if I don't break off somewhere I could probably keep writting like this until they got to the airport (which would be at least another 10k words). I added the words for the chapter in bold because everyone who reviewed so far seems to think I meant this is the end of the story. My mistake. I should have been more clear.

Thanks for reading folks.


	4. Chapter 4

**From Point A**

**Chapter 4**

Despite his best efforts, Shinji did not feel comfortable with the fact that Kensuke was driving again. The accident, though hours behind them, was too fresh. It didn't help matters that Kensuke was reluctant to drive as well.

"You want me to do it now?" asked Kensuke.

Toji gave him a look and said, "I didn't bring you along to warm the car seats and you sure as hell ain't driving at night anymore."

"Alright," said Kensuke.

Despite the apprehension, after Kensuke took the wheel no world shattering disasters occurred. The road in front of them did not suddenly morph into a solid brick wall, and Toji's car didn't transform into a screaming metal death trap. Shinji had to calm down and remind himself of his surroundings. It was the middle of the afternoon. Though the storm still raged around them, the bridge was well lit and the traffic was light. Kensuke was rested, fed, and showered. The chances of them getting into another accident in such conditions were ridiculously small.

Thinking in this manner, Shinji managed to keep his balled up fists loose enough to prevent his nails from drawing blood.

Hikari was the only person having as hard of a time as Shinji. The car had never been the most relaxing environment for anyone, but no matter what position she shifted herself into she could not get comfortable. She found this strange as taking showers usually soothed her muscles and made her calm. But now her body was covered in aches and pains. Her neck was the worst offender. Whatever way she twisted it always resulted in mild pain.

"Are you alright?" Asuka asked her. It took some conscious effort on her part not to berate Shinji for jumping at the sound of her voice.

"Yeah," said Hikari. "Just a little… achy."

"Hey Aida," called Asuka, drawing the driver's attention. "Do you think you could tell someone where you're keeping the pharmacy that you brought on this trip, or will the break in concentration make you crash into something?"

Kensuke took a moment to decide whether he wanted to maintain his composure and ignore her, or be helpful to the group at the cost of dignifying that with an answer. Reluctantly he chose the latter choice.

"It's in the bag under Toji's legs," he said, with a sigh.

Toji pulled out the large bag that probably contained every over-the-counter drug known to man and wordlessly handed it to Asuka. The look he gave her was not as silent. It said, "Lay off him, will you?"

"Thanks Suzahara," said Asuka cheerfully. "And thanks for not killing us, Aida." She ignored Toji's not-so-quiet mumbling of the word 'Bitch' as an act of kindness.

Taking a few moments to ruffle through the bag, she pulled out a bottle of aspirin. She took off the cap for Hikari (an act which made her feel much like a toddler) and handed the bottle to her. Hikari popped two pills in her mouth and washed them down with warm ginger ale.

As they continued to travel, the painkillers did have some effect on Hikari, but not nearly as much as she would have liked. She kept stretching her neck periodically and shifting in position. Even Shinji took some time from being irrationally frightened to privately sympathize with her discomfort.

After noticing his sad 'if only I could help you' expression, Asuka had a suggestion.

"Why don't you give her a shoulder massage," she said.

Shinji, Hikari, and Toji looked at her with varying degrees of surprise on their faces.

"That's alright," said Hikari in a rush. "I don't want to be a bother."

The lack of concrete rejection was not lost on Asuka. "Don't worry about it," she said. "He doesn't mind."

"Ehh…"

"uhhh…" said Shinji. "I don't know if she's comfortable with…"

But Asuka actually grabbed his hands from his lap and placed them on her shoulder. Shinji almost pulled them back when he felt Hikari nearly jump in surprise.

"Just turn around Hikari," said Asuka. "You'll be surprised. He's pretty good at this."

Hikari reluctantly complied. She had no idea how Asuka was blinded to the awkwardness of the situation, but she figured at this point it would be even weirder to reject the offer.

With equal hesitance Shinji readied his hands on her shoulders. This whole situation was strange and surreal to him. Something about it naturally felt wrong. It might have been the fact that Asuka had complemented his skills that gave him the confidence to start the massage. But her words of praise felt just as out of place as everything else about the situation.

Shinji frowned deeply as he pressed his fingers into Hikari's tense shoulders. He noticed that her reactions were different from anytime he had massaged Asuka. Whereas Asuka would move under his touch and almost guide him to the next place to go, Hikari remained almost motionless. His only real indication that he was doing anything right or wrong was the slight lowering of Hikari's shoulders when he hit what he supposed was a 'good spot'. When his hands went to work at the base of her neck, she visibly tensed in pain and Shinji did not continue the massage until she assured him multiple times that she was okay.

When all was said and done Asuka asked, "Do you feel any better now?"

Hikari only nodded without meeting anyone's eyes. And though she did not rub her neck or shuffle around nearly as much, it was hard to tell if this was because she felt better, or if she just didn't want Asuka to suggest something even more embarrassing as treatment.

* * *

After singlehandedly confusing every occupant of the car with her strange (yet practical) suggestion, Asuka decided it was time for a little nap. She rested her head against the frame of the car door and closed her eyes as if nothing had ever happened.

Shinji was a little uncertain what to do with himself now that the awkward deed was done. Hikari would not look in his direction, so he decided it would be best not to look into hers either. It was easier to pretend that she was the shy one and he was just doing her a favor. When he met Toji's eyes briefly in the rearview mirror, he was surprised to see his friend instantly look away as if burned. So he decided that he'd also do Toji a favor and not look his way either.

This left only half the car available for regular viewing. Shinji spent no small amount of time looking at the back of Kensuke's head. When he finally grew tired of that fantastic view, he turned his attention back to Asuka and thought over the situation seriously.

There had been a need: Hikari's neck hurt. At Asuka's bidding he attempted to solve that need using his modest skills as a masseur. The fact that Asuka used him to solve a need was a normal thing. That was pretty much the reason why he was on this trip to begin with. It didn't bother him that she hadn't exactly asked. That was normal too. The odd thing about it was not that Asuka was using him to fulfill needs, but that she was using him to fulfill the needs of someone else.

And even though it didn't sound like a bad thing on paper, it didn't feel right. Like loaning out your toothbrush to a friend. There were some things that just shouldn't be shared.

Shinji was initially proud of himself for that analogy, but then felt kinda weird that he had demoted himself to the role of a toothbrush. It wasn't like it'd be the first time he was in Asuka's mouth, but when you threw Hikari into the equation… it just felt wrong.

* * *

The aftermath of third impact left Shinji and Asuka in a state of confusion. Certain things had happened to them and the world at large that changed life forever. They could no longer look at each other the same way. They could no longer look at their lives the same way. And it occurred to both of them, at different times but with equal levels of dis-ease, that neither of them had any idea what they wanted to do with their lives. They had no direction.

Misato was much too busy to face such a crisis herself. She had her hands full reconstructing NERV and attempting to ease the damage that they caused. A world full of problems did not disappear over-night. So Shinji and Asuka had little in the way of parental guidance when it came to plotting the course of their lives.

It was that longing for guidance that lead Shinji down the path of his parents. He considered the good that his mother and father did for the world as well as the bad. And in a moment of rare insight he considered the good that his parents _might_ have done had they each altered their plans in life only a little. It occurred to him that the potential for good, coupled with the actual good accomplished, probably outweighed all the bad, even if their actual good deeds did not tip the scale on their own.

Despite realizing that he had no true concept of what his parents were capable of, or how he would go about developing his skills to the level either of them had achieved, Shinji roughly cleared his throat one night at the dinner table and meekly stated, "I think I want to be a biologist."

Asuka smirked at him in that way that always made him feel incredibly stupid and asked, "Do you even know what a biologist does?"

The color drained from Shinji's face.

"… they study… bodies and such…" he mumbled.

Misato failed to contain a snort. Asuka put a hand to her forehead and said, "You're going to need a lot of help."

It was decided. They would both study biology.

Asuka tried to conceal the fact that she had no true interest in biology. Her degree had been in physics, like her mother before her. And while the fields did have some level of overlap (as most fields of science do) Asuka had no particular drive to learn something new. That was the problem. Asuka had no particular drive at all. She wasn't even sure that she wanted to go back to school. The only thing she was certain of was that she wanted to live. So she decided to help Shinji achieve his seemingly random goal without question, under the guise of helping out a friend. Because if Shinji ever found out that she was so desperate to throw her life behind an achievable goal (any at all), she would have to kill him.

Another fear of Asuka's, though an admittedly milder one, was that when Shinji realized how much better than him she was at the pursuit he decided to make his life goal he would hate her so much that he'd barely be able to stand the sight of her. This fear was easily pushed to the side, because the moment Shinji had declared he was going to be a biologist, Asuka's path in life was set. Even if he had instantly abandoned the idea, she would have continued on. When all you have are straws to grasp at, you tended to hold on tightly.

Shinji would have been shocked to learn of Asuka's fears, as he was deeply grateful for her help. He realized instantly that she would be infinitely better than him at biology. And in his heart he knew that the greatest scientific service he would ever perform for mankind would be convincing Asuka to participate in the field.

* * *

They stopped briefly at a rest stop to stretch their legs and use the bathroom. Kensuke, Shinji, and Hikari sat on a bench waiting for Toji and Asuka to come out of the nearby gas station. There was very little conversation between them. It seemed that Kensuke had finally ran out of bridge-related topics to talk about or more likely he'd learned to internalize his incessant chatter. Without him initiating things and with Hikari not really feeling up to it, there was little to talk about.

Shinji did note that Hikari was back to rubbing at her neck again. Seeing that returned his previous doubts in his skills. Clearly he did not have the magic hands everyone claimed he did if the fruits of his work could be reverted in such a short time period. He felt almost ashamed as he tried to pretend he wasn't watching Hikari twist her neck in various directions searching for relief. And when their eyes met by happenstance words slipped out of his mouth without thinking.

"Did you want me to…?" The words 'give you a massage' proved too embarrassing to say.

Hikari blushed and hesitated for a moment before asking, "Could you, please?"

She turned her back to Shinji in an awkward shuffle. Both of them were glad that they didn't have to see the other person's face. Shinji put his hands in position and went to work. He felt strangely proud and disturbed as Hikari let out a relieved sigh. The sound reminded him of the romantic scene from the movie he'd been watching with Asuka days before they left. That mental association did not help his feeling of unease.

What really made things awkward was the return of Toji. Though Hikari did not see it since she had her eyes closed, he gave Shinji an unmistakable 'what the hell man?' look. Shinji briefly stopped the massage. But when Hikari looked back at him questioningly he decided it would be easier to just continue than explain why he stopped. He did not want to broach _that _subject at all. When Asuka appeared shortly after, things got worse. She made an expression as if someone had just thrown cold water on her, and then abruptly her face went blank. She walked pass the two of them and went straight for the car without a word.

Shinji's hands stopped moving once again as he felt his blood run cold. "I think we should get going…" he said gravely.

He was much too distracted to notice Hikari's obvious disappointment.

* * *

When Shinji reached the car, he was surprised to find Asuka sitting in the middle seat with a small sick smile on her face. After everyone was seated, she lifted her arm slightly and Shinji couldn't stop himself from slightly flinching in expectation of some swift pain. But instead of delivering a blow, Asuka merely encircled her arm around his and snuggled it closely to her body. She leaned her head slightly on his shoulder. "It's cold in here," she said in explanation. "Turn up the heat, Suzahara."

Toji raised an eyebrow at that, but wordless moved his hand toward the dial. Shinji did his best to hide his complete and utter confusion. It wasn't like being close to Asuka was a new thing to him, but she'd never been so abrupt and never in public. She was openly leaning against him.

For a while there was silence. Everyone recognized the bazaar nature of the situation. Shinji could not stop himself from looking questioningly at Hikari, but she seemed intent on staring in a different direction. When Shinji looked back at Asuka she found her gaze intently locked on him, sickly smile firmly in place. He instantly looked away.

Asuka let out a small snort. What she found amusing no one knew. "Well you're good for something, at least," she said loud enough for all to hear. "It's nice to have a warm body around."

Toji opened his mouth to say something, but then realized he couldn't think of a way to turn that statement into something comically perverted. He felt it was a missed opportunity. Shinji for his part just blushed and looked away.

"You're such a girl," said Asuka moving one hand to his leg. She was referring to his blush, but only Shinji knew that. The lack of responses were making her statements seem strained. It was clear that she was only talking to Shinji at this point, but her voice was loud enough for everyone to clearly hear. Then abruptly she shifted focus and director her next words at Hikari. "He kisses like a girl too."

"Wha?" said Shinji.

Asuka ignored him and continued speaking to Hikari. "He comes in slow and delicate, almost as if he's afraid to touch. Doesn't that sound just like him, Hikari?"

The other girl made an uncomfortable noise in her throat.

"It's alright though," said Asuka turning her attention back to Shinji. "I think it's kinda cute."

"Hey, Ken," asked Toji, "Where's the vomit bags?"

"In the glove compartment," said Kensuke. "Pass me one too."

Asuka let out a pointed sigh. "Ah, jealousy knows no bounds."

"Hu, hu, huuuurRRRRRUUPPP!" said Toji.

Kensuke snickered a little, but his heart wasn't in it.

"We don't care what the little people think, do we Shinji?"

Shinji looked at her nervously and made a noise in his throat nearly identical to the one Hikari had made earlier.

"Do we Shinji?" Asuka repeated.

"…No."

The car grew quiet once more. Seemingly satisfied Asuka somewhat disentangled herself from Shinji. She kept their arms linked together and casually stroked his leg with her hand. Hikari stared at this momently in disbelief before closing her eyes and nodding to herself.

Later, Hikari asked Kensuke to pull over since she was feeling sick. She asked Asuka to come out of the car and help her. Asuka exited the car after giving Shinji's leg a solid squeeze (this gained him pointed "what the hell, Man?" looks from Toji and Kensuke once again). Hikari and Asuka conversed by the side of the roadside with their backs turned to the car. As they continued to talk, Shinji watched in astonishment as Asuka's head lowered further and further. When they returned to the car, Asuka entered from Shinji's side. The sour look on her face could kill a man.

"Get in the middle," she said and Shinji complied.

Asuka did not talk or make eye contact with anyone for thirty minutes. She sat in silence occasionally staring out the window, but mostly looking at the golden ring on her finger.

* * *

"_You're my friend. I wouldn't have let him touch me if I knew you cared. If you want me to keep my distance from him all you had to do was say so. I didn't realize it would bother you. And I'm sorry."_

* * *

There was light conversation between the travelers before nightfall. The charm of the bridge had officially worn off completely, even for Kensuke who could not take joy in its architectural beauty while driving (such was his determination). And so they reached the point in their journey where everyone was beginning to get a little tired of the whole thing.

Though Asuka eventually broke her self-imposed vow of silence, she did not converse nearly as much as she had previously. To the untrained eye, it would appear as if she was avoiding everyone in the car as much possible. Had a trained eye been present they would have come to the same conclusion. Toji spent most of the time talking to Kensuke about sports, which was always unsatisfying for him, as Kensuke didn't follow any franchises closely. Shinji tried to add input when he felt comfortable doing so, which wasn't very often. Hikari, feeling sick, bored, and out of the loop, drifted in and out of sleep.

Day passed into night with few interruptions. At around seven PM Toji prompted Kensuke to pull into a gas station to refuel and switch drivers. Kensuke and Shinji were equally relieved at this. However, everyone was surprised when Asuka asked to navigate. Toji wanted to reject, but could think of no good reason to do so. Instead he kept his peace as Asuka wordlessly transitioned into the front seat.

Initially Toji and Kensuke attempted to continue their aimless conversations, but they were a little forced. It just wasn't the same with Kensuke sitting in the back, as they couldn't make eye contact and it was harder to hear each other. Eventually this conversation petered out and Toji drove on silence. Asuka hadn't said a word to anyone since taking the front seat, save for asking Shinji to pass her a bag of pretzels.

Minutes turned to hours. Both Kensuke and Shinji fell asleep, with Shinji resting his head lightly on Kensuke's shoulder. With some maneuvering , Toji managed to take out his cell phone with one hand and take a picture of them for future blackmail. But his amusement with the situation was slightly stifled by the lack of anyone to share it with. He would never say so, but he was becoming increasingly unnerved by the silence of the girl in the passenger's seat.

That Asuka would volunteer to sit next to Toji in the middle of the night while everyone else was sound asleep, shocked and disturbed him. He knew as well as she did that the two of them had nothing in common and little to talk about. Not to mention the fact that they just plain didn't like each other. Naturally Toji doubted her motives.

But Asuka didn't do much of anything at first. She just sat quietly and stared out at the road. Toji observed that she had her arms crossed beneath her (supple) chest and was tapping the beat to the music on her arm. He forced himself to look away, because as hot as Asuka was, some things just weren't worth it. Not even in his imagination.

"Pig," Asuka said without looking toward him at all. "Keep your eyes off my breasts and on the road."

"Heh," said Toji. "Who would bother?"

He honestly didn't care that he'd been caught. It wasn't like he was staring at her. The silence that followed proved that Asuka wasn't too upset about the situation either. If she were truly mad she would have pressed the issue. She'd only spoken out of obligation.

After some time Asuka said, "I know it's kinda your thing, but could you quit being a complete jackass around Hikari?"

Toji's face scrunched up in indignation. "What are you on about now?"

"You know, I always knew you were dumb, but your obliviousness never fails to surprise me."

"Look if you've got something to say-"

"Back at the restaurant," said Asuka. "The thing with that waitress was disgusting."

"It's none of your business who I talk to," said Toji bluntly. If that was all this was about then she was just wasting her time.

"I don't care whose crotch you sniff at," said Asuka. "But maybe you could show Hikari an ounce of respect and not do that in front of her."

Toji was quiet for a while. "I didn't think she'd care…"

"That's surprising," said Asuka. "I can't believe you of all people forgot to think."

"Ah, shut up," said Toji. His heart wasn't in it.

"And stop it with all those complaints about being useful. She's self-conscious about not being able to drive and you acting like it's the only important thing on this trip isn't helping. For the life of me I can't figure out why, but she takes what you say seriously."

Again Toji was silent. It occurred to him that if Asuka hadn't brought this up he never would noticed. That bugged him for a lot of reasons, but it didn't make her words any less true. So he shook his head, grit his teeth and said what he knew he had to.

"Thanks for letting me know."

"You can repay me by not being such a dunce next time."

"Only if you stop being such a bitch."

Asuka pretended to think this over before roughly declaring, "No deal."

"Heh," said Toji with a smirk. That sounded about right. He wondered whether Asuka was as unmoved by being constantly called a bitch as she seemed to be, or if she was just pretending to not care in order to look tough. It was a sign of how much Toji generally disliked the girl that he was willing to continue calling her such, either way.

After that exchange Toji expected silence. He knew that they really didn't have very much to talk about with each other. But the topic Asuka brought up next concerned one of the few things in life that both of them cared about.

"What did you say to Shinji?"

"You know," said Toji, "If you keep starting conversations without telling me what you're talking about, I'm going to ban you from speaking in my car."

"You were talking to him outside after the accident. What did you say?"

Toji's initial thought was to tell her that it was none of her business. But the fact that she had bothered to ask about something like this stopped him. Even if she was being nosey, she was being nosey for a reason. Toji respected that.

"I told him he had the right idea getting upset and all, he just should have handled it better."

"That's it?" asked Asuka.

"Yeah. I was pretty pissed too when I figured out what happened. But he lost his cool and… he was pretty lame back there."

"So… wait… you told him to be cooler?"

"Yeah, so?"

Asuka shook her head. "I really over-estimated you," she said but she sounded almost relieved.

Toji wasn't quite sure what she was getting at really. He never could understand her and honestly he wasn't sure he wanted to. But he did want her to know one thing.

"It should have been you talking to him back then."

Asuka nodded once and turned to look out the window. "I know."

* * *

After five full hours of near silence Asuka decided that Toji had driven long enough.

"I'm tired of your face. Pull over and wake up Shinji."

Toji stared at her blankly and said, "This is why you have no friends."

As much as he wanted to ignore her demands out of spite, he was getting tired. He could have continued to drive if he wanted, but it was kind of a relief to let someone else take over. He pulled over on the side of the road and Asuka slid over the armrest to take his seat. When he went in the back seat to shake Shinji awake, Hikari spoke up first.

"I'll sit up front," she said drawing Toji's attention.

"Eh," said Toji, "You don't have ta if you're not feeling well."

Hikari slightly averted her gaze and said, "I'm fine."

This effectively ended the conversation.

* * *

Hikari would have been quite surprised to know that Asuka found the silence in the car unnerving. She did recognize that it was a little unusual for the two of them to go such a long time without talking to each other, but figured it had more to do with fatigue than anything else. In truth, she thought Asuka was nearly incapable of feeling uncomfortable in the sense that normal people did. So she attributed the silence to the nighttime atmosphere instead of the shame the other girl felt over her earlier actions. She had no idea that during this stretch of what she felt was tranquility, Asuka could only replay the brief conversation that they'd had by the road side over and over again in her head.

When Hikari did speak, Asuka made a conscious effort to hide her relief.

"Thank you for earlier," said Hikari. At Asuka's puzzled look she added, "I heard what you said to Toji."

The man in question was snoring lightly in the backseat.

Asuka shrugged. "Someone has to remind him that he's an idiot."

"Yeah," said Hikari with a hint of a smile. "You always were good at that."

Asuka smirked as well.

"If you don't rub his nose in it, he'll never learn. This way he'll be well trained when you decide to take him back."

Hikari's eyes widened in surprise at those words, and she could not suppress the urge to look toward the back of the car to see if anyone had overheard.

"They're all sleep," said Asuka. "I can tell by their breathing. And if anyone is pretending to be asleep and listening in on this conversation, they better say so now. Otherwise, I will wait until you have completely forgotten about this and without warning, I will kick you in the balls as hard as I possibly can."

After several seconds of silence Asuka turned to Hikari and said, "See?"

Hikari had nothing to say to that. She instantly recognized this as a situation where denial would be the same as agreeing. So she didn't speak at all and let the moment pass. She wondered why Asuka insisted on bringing that up when she had to know how much it hurt just thinking about it. And suddenly she found her thoughts turning toward the answer.

She looked at the ring on Asuka's finger and asked, "Are you and Shinji secretly engaged?"

Asuka's eyes widened in surprise. But when she turned to briefly face Hikari, she smiled.

"It wouldn't be a very good secret if I went around advertising it with my ring."

"Oh," said Hikari. "Then you're just dating?"

Asuka sighed theatrically. "Shinji and I… we have an understanding."

Hikari couldn't help but blush. "… friends with benefits?"

Hikari took her silence as confirmation. While she did feel that her friend was in such a scandalous situation, something else was bothering her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Hikari.

"I practically spelled it out for you earlier today."

"No, why didn't you tell me before."

Asuka's frown deepened. She took a long breath before replying.

"Because we weren't friends back then."

"Oh," said Hikari. She felt her stomach twist into a knot and suddenly wished they were talking about anything else. Despite herself she couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

"Because you changed," said Asuka. "When you broke up with Toji you started acting like a different person. It wasn't that I didn't like you anymore. It was just… I can't deal with that: inconsistency. If I don't know what to expect from you, I would rather not deal with you at all."

Asuka refused to look at Hikari as she said this. She didn't want to see the look of hurt and betrayal on her face.

"So why did you invite me here?"

"Because I owe you. You helped me out when I was going through a hard time. So… it's not easy for me but… I want to be friends."

"Okay," said Hikari. She was looking at her hands in her lap. So Asuka hadn't asked her here for moral support. As if she was some long lost comfort that she required in her time of need. No… Asuka was doing her a _favor _by being her friend. Like it was some kind of chore. And even though Hikari knew that she should be mad about something like that, all she could feel was self-pity.

"You know," said Asuka drawing her attention from out of the blue. "I think Shinji really does want to marry me. And if he asks one day, I'll probably let him."

_How kind of you,_ Hikari thought, but she felt bad about that. Asuka had probably never told this to anyone. It was clear that she was trying her best to be sincere. When she didn't respond Asuka continued to speak, as if compelled.

"This ring…" she said looking briefly at her left hand. "It's not even from Shinji. It was a birthday gift from my father. I only wear it on my ring finger because it's useful. It keeps boys from bothering me all the time. Although some guys still can't take the hint."

Asuka sighed again.

"I don't really like the thing. It's plain as far as jewelry goes. And I haven't had it long, so it's not like I'm overly attached to it. But I keep it because… it's useful…"

Hikari finally looked up from her lap. What she saw made her forget all about her own self-pity.

"Asuka… are you crying?"

"No," said Asuka chuckling. "Why would I be?"

"Okay," said Hikari.

Asuka's voice was even, and it was hard to see her face. But her eyes glittered brightly in the dark.

* * *

When Asuka grew tired of driving and tired of Hikari, she had to be much more polite than she was with Toji. She told Hikari that she was getting kind of tired and that they should wake Shinji up to drive. Hikari offered to continue to navigate while Shinji drove. Asuka declined the offer quickly stating that she'd rather not sit in the back with two Neanderthals who would probably try to look down her shirt when they thought she was sleeping.

It was understood by both that it was still a bit early for Asuka to let Hikari and Shinji sit side-by-side in the dark, unattended. Trust only went so far for her.

Shinji awoke hesitantly and it took him a minute to completely gain his composure. Perhaps because of his longing to still be asleep he did not say much to Hikari or Asuka as he settled into the driver's seat and began to drive. He took note as Asuka curled into a loose ball beside him and closed her eyes. And even though he was happy that she trusted his driving enough to rest, it would have been nice to have someone to keep him company.

Shinji resigned himself to being on his own that night and drove on in silence. He decided to change the radio station after a while. The instrumental Jazz station he found was a hidden gem amidst the usual pop, rock, and hip-hop mash-ups he was used to hearing in Tokyo-3. While he found most other stations tolerable, they always tended to play the same repetitive songs, and ever since he was a kid he'd always leaned toward listening to instrumental music.

Jazz wasn't normally his thing, but he liked the idea of improvisation quite a bit. The fact that what he was hearing wasn't just written out and planned beforehand, yet still sounded great, impressed him. It was almost as if the music was creating itself. Like it wanted to be played. The steady rhythmic tempo coupled with unpredictable shifting melodies excited Shinji in a way. But there was always something about it that kept him from loving it the way he did classical music. Maybe it was the unpredictability that really threw him off. Thinking that he knew what to expect, yet finding out time and time again that he was wrong. As exciting as that was, it was frustrating as well.

After a while, he turned the radio to a classical station, but his heart wasn't into the music. It was just something to distract himself. But it wasn't working very well. His thoughts kept drifting through the day and he could feel them digging at the back of his mind. He tried to fight it and pretend that everything was alright but it was a losing battle. He knew that he had to confront this directly or it would never go away.

So hesitantly he looked to his left and said, "Hey Asuka... I know you're not sleep."

Asuka snored when she slept. Not loudly, but consistently. Based on this, Shinji was pretty sure that Asuka had either only slept when he slept, or never slept during this trip. He wasn't sure which.

"And I'm sure you didn't talk to me because you don't feel like it. So you don't have to say anything back to me. You can just pretend that you're sleep and that'll be fine. I won't think you're ignoring me or anything. But if I don't talk, I think I'd probably go crazy. So I hope it's okay."

Shinji took her lack of movement as consent.

"I'm still afraid..." he said. "Of dying I mean. Not terrified or anything like that, but I can't think of anything worse happening. And if I think about it too long... maybe I do get a little terrified."

"Knowing about your father doesn't really help. Because he was healthy. There was nothing wrong with him. And you even said he wasn't a bad man. But he died anyway. And that scares me but... I'm still here. Actually, I'd rather be here than sitting at home with Misato and Pen-Pen. Because even though I have to think about things like this... you're here. And to me that makes a difference."

"I know... I'm not very useful. There's not much I can say to make you feel better. And honestly... I don't even know if you're feeling bad or not. Well... no I'm being stupid... no one feels happy about something like this. Right? Even if you didn't know him well, I know you don't like this. I... hated father. But I didn't want him to die. I just... of course you don't like this."

"But you know... " said Shinji. Suddenly his voice had an edge to it. "You make it hard sometimes. To be here. I mean... you never make it easy and that's okay. I think... well it wouldn't be the same if it were easy. I don't know. And I think I usually get you... you know? It might be true that people can't really understand each other... but I get that there's some things you can't say, even if you want to, and some things you can't do either. And I'm not trying to make you say or do those things. You don't have to."

"But when you just... throw me away like that, what am I supposed to think? She's your friend. I get that. And I like her too. And I did it because you wanted me to. But it felt wrong and honestly... I don't get why you did that. It makes me a little mad actually. I don't know why though... it just did."

"And then you came out of the store and somehow, somehow you make it _my_ fault. Like I wanted this. Like I asked for it or something. How do you even _do_ that? I mean... sorry, no... that's not what I'm trying to say."

Shinji took a deep breath.

"I guess... the thing is... I want... I really do want to be here. Even if it's hard for me. Even if you... make it harder. That's okay. I mean... yeah... it's okay. Because most of the time... usually... I think you want me here. And I like that. But if you don't want me there... even for a little bit... you have to tell me. Because I don't know. I can't understand you. But if you don't want me there with you, I'll let you go by yourself for a little while. And you can come back when you want. And I'll miss you... but I'll understand... well I won't understand... but... you get what I mean. What I'm saying is... I'll still be here. Even if it's hard."

It felt good to get that off his chest, even if Asuka still refused to move an inch.

"And I know... you won't say it either way. Even if you want to. That's okay. You don't have to say it. But I can't just guess. So... I've been thinking about it. And... you can just... nod your head or something and I'll just go home. Maybe scratch your nose. Or sneeze or cough. Something like that and I'll know. Okay? Because I really can't guess anymore. I just don't know..."

there was silence for a while. Shinji stared at Asuka waiting for some sign to appear, but it never does.

"Asuka?" he asked. For a moment he thought that she really was asleep. That everything he said had been useless. But then she raised her hand toward the radio. Without opening her eyes or uttering a word, she turned up the volume.

Not a "yes", not a "no", but a "_would you be quiet now? Please shut up..."_

Shinji returned his eyes to the road.

"Fine," he said quietly. "I don't even care anymore."

And as he continued to drive alone through the night, he wished his words were true.

* * *

**AN: **I don't really have anything to say here. I just like leaving Author's Notes. It's kind of a habit. I guess I could maybe apologize for this chapter taking so long (I was trying to get them out within a month of each other). But know that this apology is mostly insincere.

Thanks for Reading


	5. Chapter 5

**From Point A**

**Chapter 5  
**

The sign at the exit of the bridge said, "Thank you for traveling the Great International Restoration Bridge!"

The translucent dome which had provided them comfortable shelter for so long, abruptly morphed into a concrete tunnel. Dim orange lights along the ceiling provided the only illumination. The tunnel itself soon came to an equally abrupt end, leaving Toji's car exposed to the elements once more. Rain fell on the car with noticeably less volume than at the onset of the trip. Though the rain had diminished, the sky was just as overcast as before, and the soft _pitter-pat_ of precipitation mingled with the low volume classical music playing on the radio.

Aside from turning on the windshield wipers, Shinji barely took note of any of this. The ending of the bridge meant the beginning of China. Being in China meant that he had no idea where he was going. Had Kensuke been awake, he would have told Shinji the bridge was directly connected to seven of China's major highways in one way or another. Since Kensuke was not awake, Shinji decided to consult the directions, which meant speaking to Asuka.

"Where's the map?" he asked. He didn't look at her as he spoke. She handed it to him in silence.

Shinji, briefly debated on reading the directions while driving, but decided it would be too much of a risk. Instead, he pulled over to the side of the road. After a couple minutes of checking and double checking, he knew what roads to take. He took off from the shoulder and shortly merged on to the highway.

* * *

Being alone was not the most painful thing for Shinji. It wasn't ideal, per se, but he'd learned to deal with it long ago. He would always crave the company of others to some degree, but he knew that being with outer people could cause him much more pain than he could ever cause himself.

With other people came expectations. Whether it be his expectations or theirs did not matter. If they were not met, someone would be disappointed, angry, or sad. And there was no easy way to meet other people's expectations when he did not know what they were. It was certainly impossible for him to make them meet his.

So Shinji learned to compensate. When he knew of someone else's expectation (provided it was reasonable) he would do his best to rise to the occasion. He held as little expectations of others as he possibly could, in the hopes that they would do the same.

But what really hurt Shinji, was failure in spite of his efforts. Though he'd tried to do everything he possibly could for Asuka it still wasn't enough. He had asked so very little of her and somehow, for reasons beyond both his patience and understanding, she had failed to deliver.

He briefly looked over at Asuka curled up in her seat next to him. Her lack of snoring once again proved that she wasn't sleeping peacefully. She rested her face in her arms and showed Shinji her back. Hiding from the world. Hiding from him.

Shinji smiled his sad little smile.

_Screw her, _he thought._ Forget about it._

He decided it was better to be alone. And life became much easier.

His mind went blank as he drove along the road. He did not think about Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, or Hikari. His thoughts were completely occupied by mindless instructions. Foot on peddle, hands on wheel. The mile markers passed as slowly as ever, but Shinji did not care. It was a way to pass the time.

Eventually the people in the back woke up and asked where they were. Shinji gave them a rough estimate and said nothing else. He continued to drive as night turned to day. Toji and Kensuke held a brief conversation which Shinji didn't care much to listen to. He knew it probably wasn't very important, and if it directly involved him they would have said his name.

After an hour or so, Toji told him to pull over and let Kensuke drive. Shinji did so without a complaint. He was still a little apprehensive about Kensuke's driving, but for some reason the fear of the day before would not return to him. He did not question the strangeness of that at all.

He and Asuka wordlessly piled into the back seat as Kensuke and Toji took their places. Shinji sat in the middle next to Hikari, who gave them both a brief look before closing her eyes again. Shinji nodded at her, but did not say a word. He found that nods were an easy way to convey whatever feelings people thought he was supposed to be conveying to them.

He leaned more toward Hikari than toward Asuka. It was not a conscious decision at all. Had he really been thinking about it he would have avoided both of them as much as humanly possible. But apparently his body had a will of its own. Given a choice, it chose the lesser of two evils.

He leaned his head back against the seat and stared up at the car ceiling. The thought of someone looking up his nose did not occur to him at all. Staring quickly grew boring, so he closed his eyes. For the first time in a while he found himself regretting that he'd left his SDAT player behind. But he quickly got over that and waited for sleep to take him: a threefold escape from mind, sight, and sound.

* * *

Rei Ayanami had once asked Shinji what he wanted. He felt it was a loaded question. There were many things he _thought_ he might want, but he could never be sure. Once he had those things, sometimes it turned out that he was satisfied… briefly. Other times he found that he didn't want those things at all. Often he was actually happy with the things he thought he wanted; only it turned out that he wanted more.

He didn't explain this to Rei at the time, but he felt that she still understood him. More than anything he was proud of himself for admitting that he didn't know. Together they decided to leave the world the same.

Sometimes he regretted that.

* * *

They stopped at another fast food restaurant for breakfast. It wasn't exactly ideal to anyone, but Asuka insisted that they keep moving as they ate. When they pulled into the drive-thru, Kensuke asked for everyone's order, which proved a bit of an issue since Shinji was still asleep. Asuka made no move to wake him, so Hikari was left with the difficult task of getting him up while avoiding physical contact.

After several unheeded calls of, "Ikari, wake up please," Toji reached into the back seat and roughly shook his shoulder. For a moment, Shinji looked almost angry to be awake.

"What?" he asked impassively.

Kensuke asked him for his order.

Hikari initially contributed Shinji's disgruntled state to him just waking up. But when they had their food in hand and his strangely bitter expression did not change she thought something might be off. He didn't look as bad as he did after Kensuke's near accident – he'd seemed skittish then. Now his face was distant and sullen. It wasn't a look he wore well.

Asuka also seemed unusually quiet. Hikari wanted to say something to her, but after the conversation they had the night before she could only draw blanks. She was concerned, but knew that saying so would only result in dismissive banter. So instead Hikari kept to herself, feeling at odds with the whole situation.

She ate her chicken sandwich in silence. It was delicious in its own way, and she felt herself chewing with vigor. The sandwich was the first thing she'd eaten since entering the bridge that went down with ease. Hikari was glad for this small blessing. It was great timing for comfort food.

* * *

Asuka once claimed that Shinji was the laziest person she knew. Whenever they went out together she almost always paid for both of them. The monthly allowance Misato gave them wasn't worth squinting at. The only thing saving them both from poverty was the money Asuka's father sent regularly.

Despite Shinji's funding issues, Asuka insisted that they go out from time to time and do something fun. Whenever Shinji did have money saved up, he used it. Asuka paid the bill when he didn't have money, but not without a few choice words at his expense. Shinji took the hint and got a job sweeping and stocking merchandise at a convenience store.

Initially Asuka was indifferent to this job. She made one small remark about how he was well suited for manual labor, and left it at that (Shinji could not determine if that was supposed to be an insult or not). With the extra cash he made he was able to afford those trips to the movie theater, bowling alley, karaoke lounge, ect. However, as a side effect of working, those trips became much less frequent. Being the new guy meant he could not negotiate his working hours.

The first time he declined going out with Asuka because of work, she had sulked, but accepted. The second time she seemed _almost_ upset. After the third time, he had gone from being the laziest person she knew to being a selfish work-a-holic. In his defense, he had gone out with her a few times between those three missed opportunities, but apparently those were not enough. After a while Asuka stopped asking him to go places altogether.

By then, Shinji realized that he was doing something wrong. It occurred to him that maybe Asuka complaining about him not having money was just something she liked to do because… well she was Asuka. Maybe she truly didn't mind spending money on him so long as the two of them spent time together, and her earlier harsh words were just a front to hide that fact. The more Shinji thought about it the more he was certain of what he needed to do. After working for only a little over two months, Shinji quit his job at the convenient store.

He told Asuka that he quit and invited her out to dinner, his treat.

Her response was, "Oh."

Shinji was somewhat surprised to see that she was not overjoyed by this news. He did not think she'd jump for joy, but he expected just a little bit more than, "oh."

After that day, Asuka did not resume asking him to go out with her frequently. Instead, she went out with girls from school, or often times just stayed in and relaxed. Whenever Shinji had enough money saved up from his allowance he would ask her out again, and she would make a show out of debating on agreeing. Despite this, they tended to have a good time when they went out together.

Shinji had no idea whether she wanted him to have a job or not.

* * *

Kensuke was feeling a little tired. He'd slept decently well through the night, but the seats in the car were making him appreciate his futon at home quite a bit. Being tired behind the wheel brought stress of its own to him, since he still held himself responsible for the near accident of a couple days ago. So he sat stiff as a board trying his best to keep his focus on the road.

It didn't help matters that Toji was trying to talk to him about sports again. Kensuke liked sports, sure, but he wasn't fanatical about them. He enjoyed watching athletes at the peak of their skill doing things that would be impossible for him with any amount of training. Even so, he did not see the point of talking about these athletes to the point of obsession. Who cares that some ridiculously good basketball player refuses to go to a team filled with other ridiculously good basketball players because the ridiculously high pay they're being offered isn't enough? Kensuke sure didn't. He felt sports were meant for entertainment, not to be life changing events. Scoring a few soccer goals a game did not feed starving kids in Africa. Nor did running quickly around a track stop wars in the Middle East. As far as Kensuke was concerned there were only three athletes alive who had ever made a serious difference in the world with their talent, skill, and quick thinking. And all three of them were sitting in the car with him.

For that reason only, he hid his boredom and continued to listen to Toji's insignificant ramblings. It did not occurred to him that people might feel the same way when listening to him.

* * *

Toji wasn't incredibly impressed by China as a whole. The highways took them through a lot of open country with nothing but fields stretching out in either direction. Occasionally they would pass a small town or two, but aside from that, nothing. The constant rain didn't help.

Truthfully he was getting tired of talking about sports himself. It was something to pass the time, and without it all he'd have was the crappy music playing on the radio, and the lame view out the window. So he talked to Kensuke, since he was the only reliable source of conversation. He couldn't count on Shinji to talk in the best of circumstances, and now he seemed to be intent on ignoring everyone and sleeping. Though he held no particular love for Asuka, she usually kept things interesting, but she'd been pretty quiet and sulky for the past day and a half. He didn't want to bother Hikari at all. Things were easier that way.

Toji started to think that maybe things would be better on the return trip. They'd all have a night to sleep peacefully in a hotel room before they left. And the two gloomiest occupants would be gone off to handle their own issues. They'd probably have to take a lot more breaks with just him and Kensuke driving, but at least the weird tension in the air would be gone.

He wasn't really sure what Hikari would do, since she'd spent most of her time talking with Asuka and Shinji. Even so, Toji felt things would be better. They couldn't feel much worse.

* * *

They stopped one last time for everyone to use the bathroom. Hikari tried to take up the initiative to start up a conversation with Asuka. It didn't amount to anything more than pleasantries. This frustrated Hikari quite a bit, especially since Asuka had claimed only recently that she wanted to try to be friendly. She wanted to push the issue, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it.

Asuka and Shinji's eyes did not cross paths. The blame lay mostly with Shinji this time. He refused to look up at anybody more than was absolutely necessary to avoid being rude. He didn't even try to avoid rudeness with Asuka.

Clearly something was wrong. But no one was going to say anything about it. Knowing Asuka, she would go all the way to Germany and back without clearing the air. But the worse part about it was that Hikari could see all this happening around her but she herself could do nothing to fix it.

* * *

The atmosphere grew livelier as they neared Beijing. Traffic was thicker. There were no longer any wide open spaces. Buildings grew taller and more condensed. The occupants of the car were interested, but largely unimpressed. While Beijing easily outclassed Tokyo-3 in size, it was nowhere near as large and imposing as Tokyo-2.

Toji offhandedly said that he was disappointed that he couldn't see the infamous smog, on account of the rain. Kensuke jokingly quipped that it was the other way around.

Despite their mocking statements, Toji and Kensuke were both intrigued by the sight of another city. They each craned their necks as best they could to catch a glimpse as they drove by. Both Hikari and Asuka spent a lot of time looking out the window as well, but Asuka didn't seem that into it. Kensuke suggested that they do some sightseeing tomorrow before they left, and Toji agreed, so long as Hikari was feeling up to it.

Aside from glancing out the window once or twice, Shinji did an excellent job of pretending that he wasn't even there.

Asuka looked exhausted. If Shinji had cared to notice, he'd be sure now that she had little-to-no sleep during the trip. Even so, she made an effort to stay awake and aware during those last few minutes of their journey. She alternated her focus between the city of Beijing and Shinji's expressionless face. Whenever she looked over at him and found that he was still paying her no mind, she grit her teeth and turned away.

Kensuke soon saw signs that he assumed read "Airport" in Chinese. He could not be sure, but he took comfort in the little picture of a plane lined up next to the characters. He followed these pictures religiously until they found themselves on the exit ramp leading toward their destination.

To Toji, it felt kind of surreal, but then the ending of road trips always felt that way to him. If someone had asked him, he couldn't have put it into words, but being on the road for so long was almost like living in your own personal bubble. The rest of reality faded away and there was only him, his companions, and the journey they were going on. Each little stop was merely a means to an end, perpetuating the existence of their own little traveling reality. When they finally stopped, the reality shattered. It was time for the real world again.

They used the pick-up and drop-off area to avoid paying a parking fee. Asuka told Kensuke which gate to let her out at and he parked the car nearby. For a moment nothing happened. No one made a move to acknowledge that they had finally arrived at their destination. Then all at once, everyone felt the need to do something. Kensuke nodded his head to himself, as if to say "mission accomplished". Hikari stretched her neck, which gave an audible pop. Toji let out a noise that was a combination of a sigh and a whistle. Asuka looked at Shinji intently. Shinji met her eyes, failed to smile, and looked away.

"Thanks for coming, Hikari," said Asuka. "It meant a lot."

"It was no problem," said Hikari. No one called her out on it.

"Stooges," said Asuka addressing Kensuke and Toji. "Eh… it could have been worse."

Toji grunted in an amused fashion. Kensuke said, "Have a safe flight."

Asuka bit back a comment expressing her gratitude that he would not be flying the plane, but not on account of his feelings. She just didn't feel like it. Her eyes turned to Shinji, who was only vaguely looking in her general direction.

"Goodbye," she said. It was uncertain whether she was addressing him or everyone. In any case, Shinji did not respond. Asuka opened the door and exited the vehicle. Everyone gave Shinji a look.

"Pop the trunk," yelled Asuka as she banged on the rear of the car.

Hikari frowned deeply and said, "Aren't you going out there?"

Shinji made a slight movement that may have been a shrug.

"Pop the damn trunk, already!"

"Go help her," said Toji. He sounded strangely serious.

Kensuke added, "She does have a lot of bags."

Shinji closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath. He exited the car without a word. As soon as he left, Kensuke popped the trunk.

Shinji wordlessly grabbed the larger two of Asuka's bags and waited for her to grab the other.

Asuka frowned slightly and said, "You don't have to."

Shinji simply nodded.

They walked together in silence, shuffling awkwardly through the turnaround doors and into the baggage claim area. Asuka located the counter where she could claim her tickets and check her bag and the two of them waited in line.

"I hate airports," said Asuka. "Can't stand all the waiting around."

Shinji said, "Hmm."

Despite Asuka's complaining they were at the head of the line much faster than she expected. Shinji handed the bags he was carrying to the lady behind the counter and Asuka kept hers as a carry-on item. When she had her ticket in hand, they both slowly walked away from the counter. Shinji intended to head for the door, but as Asuka's footsteps slowed, he found his doing the same.

"I guess I should get going," he said. But he didn't turn to leave. He just stood there staring at her.

"I've got a couple hours before boarding," said Asuka.

"Oh."

"Maybe we could sit down for a bit?" It was odd for her to ask and not tell. Maybe that's why he nodded his consent.

Shinji sat down on a nearby bench and Asuka sat close next to him. The bench was backless and uncomfortable. They both knew there were better seats to sit on after going through customs, but if she went there, he couldn't follow.

"This whole trip has been pretty annoying, huh?" asked Asuka. "We could be at home watching TV, enjoying our spring break."

Shinji shrugged. "You wanted to be here, right? For your father."

Asuka chuckled a little. "You said it yourself. No one actually likes this kind of thing. Funerals aren't fun."

"I guess not," said Shinji. He was surprised she would mention something he'd said the previous night. It had felt like a conversation that neither of them would speak of again.

"I mean… it's not really a big deal. Me being at some service or not isn't going to change anything between us. He was who he was and I am who I am. But if I didn't go, people would start to talk. You'd hear rumors about us fighting and other such nonsense. And when they write biographies about me they'll start listing him in shadowy terms like, 'absentee dad' or 'estranged father'. It's easier to give the right impression now, than to have to set the record straight later."

Shinji said, "Okay."

"Really, I've been looking forward to going back to Germany for a while now. I was hoping we could take a trip so that you could see what a real culture is like. Maybe even try some food with flavor in it for a change. I swear the only thing you Japanese associate Germany with are concentration camps and automobiles."

Shinji almost smiled then, but kept his silence.

"But eh… this just ruins it. The whole trip is going to be so boring. I'll have to shake a million phony people's hands and listen to their oh-so-sad condolences. 'Sorry for your loss miss Shoryu.' 'Your father was a great man.' And so on. I'm nauseated just thinking about it."

Shinji generally felt that those people at least meant well, but he thought better than to comment on it.

"And they'll make me sit through the reading of his will. I'm sure he left me all sorts of useless things. The man holds onto everything. If we didn't have a maid come to clean up, I'm sure the place would have always been cluttered."

"You know, he told me that he kept most of my mother's things. When she passed away and my step-mother moved in, they cleaned out her study and moved everything to the attic. When my half-brother was born they cleaned out my room for him and moved all my stuff up there with it. You'd think if they didn't want it, they'd just throw it away but… well… that's how my father was. Now I'll have to spend all my time looking through that junk for something useful."

Asuka let out a sigh.

"It's going to be so boring there. The only company I'll have most of the time is my step-mother and half-brother. I have no idea what we're going to talk about for a week. The woman insists on being friendly, even though we have nothing in common. I've never met the boy before, but I don't really expect much. Kids are always annoying. Either following you around like a dog or constantly screaming their heads off. I just wish I would have someone to talk to."

Asuka chuckled.

"But, there's no point in complaining now. I did drag you out here, so it's not like I can just turn around and go home, can I?"

Shinji shook his head absently. This whole conversation felt surreal.

"It'll be a hassle sure, but it's not a big deal, right?" Asuka began to fiddle with the ring on her finger.

Shinji looked up and their eyes met. He forced himself to smile.

"I think you'll be okay," he said.

Asuka laughed quietly.

"Of course I'll be okay," she said nudging him playfully with her shoulder. She did not immediately break the physical contact. In a more subdued tone she asked, "But I don't have to be… right?"

Shinji's smile grew strained, but he held it in place. He felt a burning sensation in his chest as he choked out his next words.

"This time… maybe you do."

"Oh," said Asuka. Her eyes widened slightly, but Shinji didn't see it. It took her several moments to pull herself away from him. For a while they sat in silence.

After about a minute, Asuka grabbed her cell phone from her bag and checked the time.

"I should get going," she said. There was still over an hour and thirty minutes left before she had to board. They both stood up from the bench. For a moment they stood there in silence, each waiting for the other to say something.

Abruptly Asuka stepped forward and gave him a hug. Shinji was surprised, but he brought his hands up to wrap them around her back. They each let go several seconds later.

"I'll miss you," she nearly whispered.

Shinji said, "Softy."

Asuka burst out laughing, but quickly quieted down. Her expression became unreadable. She looked incredibly tired. Without any more words she turned to leave.

Shinji watched her go feeling a strange mixture of apprehension and relief. Midway to the first customs checkpoint she turned around to look at him. He waved at her, but she did not wave back. When she reached the checkpoint she turned around once again. This time he didn't bother to wave at all.

After showing the security guard her ticket, she walked through a line of metal railing and out of Shinji's sight.

* * *

It took Shinji a moment to regain his bearings after exiting the airport. The car was not in the same place he left it. A security guard had forced them to circle around the drop-off area to give other cars a chance to find a spot. After walking down a couple of gates, he found his travel companions sitting in silence. He got in the backseat and apologized for taking so long.

Toji turned around and looked at him in disbelief. "So that's it?" he asked.

Shinji was uncertain, but he said, "Yeah."

Toji faced forward and said, "Fine. Let's go Ken."

Kensuke pulled out of the airport and there was awkward silence. Shinji kept waiting for Toji to say something, but he never did. This was particularly odd. Aside from Kensuke's manic ramblings, Toji had probably spoken the most out of everyone in the car. But now he just stared out the windshield with a stony expression. Shinji and Hikari thought something might be wrong. Kensuke knew that Toji was pissed.

It wasn't long before the Sedan pulled into the parking lot of the hotel they were staying at. It was a cheap budget affair, about thirty miles away from the city. They each stepped out of the car and stretched. Kensuke tried to break the tension in the air by saying, "Whew, it'll be nice to sleep in a bed for a change."

Hikari almost voiced her agreement, but was distracted by Toji punching Shinji squarely in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.

"Grow the fuck up, Ikari," he said, and then walked into the hotel lobby.

* * *

"What was that about?" asked Kensuke for what seemed like the hundredth time. Toji had refused to talk about it while in Shinji's company, opting only to say, "He knows what he did." Kensuke was trying his hardest to understand his friend's actions, but it wasn't an easy task. He'd thought they were past the point in their youth where disagreements had to be solved with pointless violence. Apparently he was wrong.

"He had it coming." Once again Toji's answer was useless.

A strained situation had grown close to cracking. Hikari made a point of glaring daggers at Toji as she sat on her bed. Kensuke, for his part, tried not to take sides until he understood the reasoning behind the exchange, but Toji wasn't making it easy. Shinji was currently avoiding all of them. Though Toji had handed him a room key like everyone else, he opted to rent his own hotel room. Nobody blamed him.

"What did he do to deserve that?" asked Hikari. Both Toji and Kensuke tensed unconsciously. It'd been a long time since they'd seen her in 'class rep mode'. Still Toji did not lose his resolve.

"He left her," said Toji.

Both Hikari and Kensuke instantly understood what he meant. They'd all been unnerved by Shinji's initial indifference to Asuka leaving. If they hadn't intervened he wouldn't have even said goodbye to her. But to Hikari, that still did not justify violence.

"You should have talked to him then! There was no reason to hit him."

"You saw her face when she left. Like he murdered a puppy dog in front of her or something. And he wouldn't even look at her." Toji just shook his head. "I'm not the biggest Shoryu fan around, but even I can't stand a guy like that. I don't care how mad he was. You don't just leave people when they need you." He looked at her unflinchingly and added, "We take care of our own."

And suddenly Hikari did understand his actions. Toji, for all his faults, was nothing if not loyal. It was one of the things she loved about him. Of course he couldn't stand to watch his friend virtually abandon someone in need. How convenient for him. Always be there for others. Disregard the situation. It doesn't matter if you're upset or any other circumstances, right? But then where was he the last year and a half? Where was he when she was all alone?

"_We take care of our own_," she repeated as she stood up from her bed. "It's never that easy."

She honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd been so angry. She walked to the door and said one last thing before she left. "Maybe you're the one who needs to grow up."

* * *

Since the clerk had seen them come in together it was easy to get Shinji's room number from the attendant at the front desk. It was less easy working out why she was going to go there and what she was going to say. She knew that Shinji had been wronged, but she had no idea how to address that. All she knew was that it wasn't fair for him to be left all alone, just because Toji lost his temper.

When Shinji opened the door for her, she noticed several things: his suitcase lying open on the bed, the bag of ice in his hand, and the bruise forming on his face. She decided to address the latter.

"Are you alright?" She had asked this question several times between the parking lot and the hotel lobby.

Shinji gave her a wan smile. "I'll live."

After a brief pause, Shinji stepped aside to let her enter the room. His eyes flashed toward the closing door briefly before he looked back toward her. Hikari always liked how easy he was to read. His expression clearly said, "So what now?"

"I'm sorry about Toji," she said. Though he wasn't her responsibility, it somehow felt right to apologize for him.

Shinji shrugged. "I probably deserved it."

"No," said Hikari. "You didn't."

Shinji smiled weakly and looked away.

"You can… eh… sit down I guess," said Shinji as he moved his luggage from the bed giving her a place to sit. His hand went for the remote control before deciding against turning on the TV. She obviously came to talk about something, so he felt he shouldn't add distractions.

Hikari sat down and felt a wave of nerves as Shinji sat down next to her. She realized that she'd officially run out of things to discuss. As the silence dragged on, she thought of leaving, but she didn't feel like seeing Toji's face again so soon. So instead she looked around the room. Her eyes found two tickets sitting on the nightstand and her gaze locked in place. She was surprised when Shinji broke the silence.

"Do you think he hates me now?"

Hikari shook her head. "He just didn't like the way you were acting earlier…" she couldn't help but add, "It was a bit odd."

"Yeah," said Shinji. Agreement, but no explanation.

Hikari couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Why didn't you go with her?" She looked at the stricken look on his face and instantly regretted asking.

Shinji let the shame slide off his face and replaced it with a weak smile.

"She didn't need me to," he said. "She might have… wanted me to go… maybe. But she didn't need me to go. And she didn't want to need me to go. And if I went… I think maybe… she'd feel like she _had_ needed me to go. So… I didn't go."

Hikari tried to puzzle over that for quite some time. She had it somewhat worked out in her mind, but she didn't like it. It felt like a rationalization, but one that probably had some truth to it as well. In the end, she couldn't know what his motives where, or what Asuka's needs were beyond what either of them told her. This realization made her feel small. Like all these things were happening around her and she was just along for the ride.

So she changed the subject.

"You didn't have to get your own room," she said. "Even Toji was going to let you sleep with us."

"I know," said Shinji.

"It must be expensive."

Shinji chuckled a little. "Between this and the plane ticket, I might as well be broke. Luckily they exchanged the ticket for a flight back home."

This knowledge only made Hikari feel bad.

"I could… pay for half the room, if you'd like. We were all going to pay for the hotel together afterall."

Shinji shook his head. "You shouldn't have to pay for a room you're not sleeping in."

"Then I could sleep here tonight," she added. The words left her mouth before her mind could give approval. There was only one bed in the room. She thought about volunteering to sleep on the floor to make the proposition sound less awkward, but something stopped her. She blushed at the unbidden mental image of sharing a bed with Shinji.

Shinji coughed into his hand and looked away.

"That's okay," he said. "You don't have to do that."

Hikari was too embarrassed to push the issue further. Having finally run out of conversation and suddenly finding the prospect of Toji's face much more appealing than staying there in silence, she decided it was time to leave. Shinji saw her to the door in order to lock up behind her.

Before she left, he asked, "Do you think I did the right thing?"

Hikari had no satisfying answer.

* * *

The return trip of the following day loomed over Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke like a storm cloud. They each dreaded each other's company in some small way. No one was interested in sight seeing any longer. They just wanted to get things over with as quickly as possible.

Toji took the first driving shift, since they had decided that they would not drive straight through on the way back. It wouldn't have been smart to rely on only two drivers (both of whom were weary from the first trip) to drive for two days straight without rest. This only served to lengthen the trip and worsen the tension around them.

Having just begun to recover from her sickness, Hikari hated the prospect of traveling on the bridge again. It not only made her feel ill, but also helpless. The whole trip felt like a public display of her uselessness. She could not drive. She barely felt up to navigating. Her conversational contribution was at a minimum. When her friends had needed her most all she'd been able to do was sit and listen. With Asuka, she might have even made her problems worse. The whole situation was wearing on her. Exhausted mentally more than anything, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. It was not meant to be.

Random thoughts filled her mind. She wondered what Kodama would think about her actions. It'd been a month since they'd talked to each other. She regretted that, though she understood why. They could barely hold a conversation with each other past the normal pleasantries. Somewhere along the line, the simple ease with which they conversed turned into a chore. When they spoke, they didn't just miss each other, they missed the way things used to be. Perhaps that's why they often talked of the past. They had spoken of their mother the last time they talked, sharing stories and little details. It was a strange experience for Hikari, as her memories of her mother were not as fresh as those of her father and Nozomi, but her absence hurt all the same.

Listening to Kodama talk about their mom was almost like reading a story out of a book. She recognized the events as true, but could not exactly trust them as reality. Even so, they left a warm feeling in her that she could not describe. Though she would never admit it, she was jealous of the many memories her older sister held. It wasn't that she didn't remember her mother - Hikari was six when she passed away. It's just that her memories were few and far between. That's why she cherished the ones she did have.

Thoughts of her mother came to Hikari every time she rode a bike.

Kodama had been the one to teach her how to ride. Her mother only sat on the porch and watched. Hikari remembered her wobbling wildly as Kodama walked alongside the bike, holding on the seat to stabilize it. Kodama kept yelling at her to keep the wheel straight and peddle, but Hikari was too afraid. She pleaded with her sister not to let go, even going so far as to make her promise to their mom that she wouldn't. Ms. Horaki only smiled and said that she was sure Kodama would not let go until she was ready. That was all the assurance Hikari needed.

Confident that she would not be left to fall, Hikari concentrated on the task at hand. She found that it was easier to steer the bike when she peddled harder. The idea shocked her at the time: going faster actually helped. After a while she was getting pretty good at riding around with Kodama holding on to her for support. She was proud of her progress and screamed out to her mother, "Look mom, I'm doing it!"

Her mother said something she didn't hear or didn't remember, but the words caused her to look behind herself. When she turned back to investigate, she noticed that Kodama wasn't there. Even though she realized she had been riding all by herself, the sudden loss of support made her panic. She soon hit the ground.

She remembered her mother waddling inside to find the first aid kit - she was pregnant with Nozomi at the time. Her mother quickly cleaned the scrape on her leg with peroxide and applied a colorful Band-Aid to the wound. She scooped Hikari in her arms and cradled her head as she cried. Meanwhile Kodama berated her for failing. "You almost had it! Whydja have to ruin it by falling?" The taunts only served to make Hikari angry. Hikari openly yelled at her sister for letting go of the bike, blaming her for the fall. Their mother's stern voice quickly chimed in to end the fight.

Kodama went on to ride up and down the street, seeming to quickly forget the fight. Hikari however could not let it go. She continued to rub her injured knee with tears in her eyes and curse Kodama for the great injury she caused. She watched with bitter envy as her sister road around with glee, even daring to call out to her mother to watch her do some tricks. This went on for almost ten minutes before Hikari said a little too loudly that she hoped Kodama would fall.

Her mother gave her _the_ look and Hikari instantly felt like a criminal caught in the act. She whispered "sorry" and hung her head, only vaguely aware of what she was apologizing for. When she dared to raise her head again, her mother was looking at her sternly, but in a manner that was much less severe.

"Now why would you want your sister to fall?" she asked.

Hikari squirmed uncomfortably under her mother's gaze. She began to rub at her knee again, hoping for sympathy. "Because she made me fall and I got hurt."

Mrs. Horaki sighed. "You know she didn't mean for you to fall. It's not nice to wish bad things on other people."

"I know," said Hikari. She could not believe that her mother wouldn't take her side. "But how come she can ride her bike when I have to be hurt!"

Mrs. Horaki thought on this a while before nodding to herself. "It seems to me that your problem is that you can't ride your bike. Do you think that if Kodama was hurt it would help you learn how to ride?"

"No," Hikari admitted not meeting her mother's eyes.

"And do you think there would be anyone else to teach you how to ride?"

"No..."

"It looks like you have a choice then. You can either sit here being angry and hurt, or you can go out there with your sister and learn to ride."

Those words stuck with Hikari over the years as if there was a kind of magic to them. Even though she was hurt and upset, what she decided to do about it was still her choice.

She opened her eyes and looked around. They were just outside of Beijing, many hours away from the bridge. She turned her attention to the front of the car and silently made her decision.

"Toji," she said. "I want to drive."

* * *

Shinji sat in the airport terminal with his phone in his hand and his luggage at his feet. He'd just finished a rather long call with Misato. She berated him for not calling her sooner as he'd promised, and then proceeded to ask a series of questions he did not want to answer. She wanted to know where he was, when he was leaving, and why he wasn't driving back with his friends. He tried to downplay the encounter with Toji by saying he just didn't feel like driving anymore. Misato clicked her tongue at the obvious lie, and left it at that. All in all, the conversation was a bit uncomfortable for Shinji, but not completely awful. A part of him would always be surprised and flattered by how much Misato cared.

On the downside, the call reminded him of his conversation with Asuka. Looking back on it, he could see how hard it was for her to say what she said, only to have him shoot her down. Add to that, his earlier act of completely ignoring her and Shinji wasn't sure how he'd gotten out of the conversation alive. But what really disturbed him was that Asuka hadn't seemed angry at all. Her last forlorn glances weighed heavily on his mind.

He wanted to think about something else, but found little to distract himself. There were many people all around him, but they were each minding their own business. He found himself watching them interact with each other occasionally, but felt kind of guilty about his secret monitoring. He'd never want anyone to stare at him that way. Once again, he lamented his decision to leave his SDAT player behind. He never expected to be traveling alone.

Shinji waited in silence for the lady at the counter to announce the boarding order. His cheek felt sore, his mind felt heavy, and his eyes were threatening to close on their own. He was weary, but not miserable. The cell phone in his hand lit up and beeped. He looked down at the message displayed there and slowly smiled.

It read: "Thank You."

_FIN_

**_

* * *

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**AN: **I like writing "Fin". It makes me feel cultured.

A few things to say here. First an anonymous reviewer called me out on the length of the bridge not correlating to the amount of time spent driving on it. Well... he/she is right. I kind of thought about that as I was writing, but I wanted them to drive on the bridge longer because it was easier for me to describe the bridge than it was for me to describe china... which I've never been to. So... sorry for the break in realism, but I don't think it detracts from things too much.

Also, Thanks for reading this story. Please let me know what you think overall. I know this last chapter wasn't the best ending to a story that I've written, but I'm not really sure how it will be accepted by you all. Any thoughts comments or suggestions are as always appreciated.

See you in the next story. It might take a while before I come out with something new as I'm going to focus on original stories for a little while. I'm sure I'll come back to fan fiction sooner or later because you just don't get the same kind of instant gratification with original stories.


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